The loss of a loved one is a very big blow to the psyche of each of us. A person is different from one another, and it is not surprising that someone experiences this loss for a few weeks or months, and another suffers for years and can not get out of the depressed state.
A strong experience of the loss of a loved one can be divided into several stages.
The first is denial.
At the beginning of this phase, as a rule, almost everyone is in a sense of shock, even anger, guilt, fear. "It's not me, it's a mistake." This condition lasts from 2 days to many days and even weeks. There is a feeling of emptiness in the soul, deep thoughtfulness, sadness. A person can be for a long time in a stationary state, almost numb. There is insomnia and exhaustion.
Second, anger.
"Why did this happen? This is unfair!"Increased irritability, verbal and physical expressions of anger, anxiety continue for two to three months. Many will want to be alone and quiet.
The third is the bargaining phase.
The phase when a person, not realizing that the past can not be returned, begins to ask himself what he did wrong, what he had to do, how he could help. Thoughts-doubts do not give rest to anyone, leading to sleep disorders, weight loss, sudden bouts of crying, mood swings. This reaction lasts three to four months.
The fourth - phase depression.
The understanding, the departed will never be close. From this realization becomes even more painful and tragic, many people even want to die. But, at the same time, the need to talk about the deceased, to remember him grows. There is a need for listeners. If there is no opportunity to speak out, the majority are closed, closed and retire in itself. This is the longest stage, reaching up to six months.
The fifth is the acceptance of this fact.
The habituation and acceptance of the loss can last a year or even more. Appetite and sleep begin to recover. The pain subsides, becomes bearable. But at certain intervals attacks of suffering and grief may return.
Recovery and return to normal life after the loss of a close and native family member begins after a year or two. The event is accepted with quiet sadness, more subdued, calmer.
These stages of grief, according to psychologists, are averaged. People are not cars that come off the Assembly line with the same setup. Each of us perceives such events in his own way. Grief should be experienced and accepted, it is not necessary to muffle it in yourself. Someone needs to cry, to talk or to vent their impotence on a punching bag, and then something is left alone with himself and he is so comfortable.
The time during which a person adapts to changes in the environment varies and depends on the level of affection and love for the departed.
You should not suffer too hard to entertain. On the contrary, it is better to talk with him about the departed loved one, remember, perhaps even some funny stories, see photos or videos with his participation. This event need survive, suffer, and then start the next phase his life.
There are many reasons why a person does not want to cut off the past from the present. Here are some of them.
- There, in the past, everything has already happened, it is familiar. And that will bring the future – is unknown, so some it seems bewildering and dangerous. I don't want to change myself. In a familiar environment, people always feel calmer. And if you try to change something in your life, you never know what will happen. What if it gets worse? Better let it be as it has always been.
- Accusing themselves of breaking up with loved ones. Regret that he could pay more attention, usually speak kind words, to have some attentions, we would have more to say to each other about mutual love. If a person has a trouble somewhere far away, there may be pain because they could not let him go there, to protect. These thoughts can be played endlessly, but the benefits and peace, unfortunately, they will not bring.
"In fact, not only did you love and appreciate your loved one, but there are others who loved and respected him just as much, and who also regret his loss. But not so clearly show their feelings. It is possible that some of them need your support. It's always easier to get through trouble together.
- Memory lane. You walked together to your favorite places, watched movies or listened to music. And now, seeing them or hearing familiar sounds, will long associate it with him. It is necessary to change the emotions associated with these situations, and live them differently, with a positive feeling. It may happen that for a long time they will each time bring unbearable pain and suffering.
Psychological advice. It is necessary to gather the will and to try to release the past and to begin, at last, to live in the present. You can keep personal records, diary. This very well reassures and helps find exit from difficult situations, about which not everyone going to tell.
Do not be offended by the one who has left you, do not be angry. It is important to work with your subconscious. Live the situation with positive feelings, forgive the departed, mentally ask for his forgiveness and let go with peace and gratitude. Otherwise, as a consequence, psychosomatic diseases or personal problems may appear in the future. Try to start a new life with a positive attitude and faith in a bright future. Live for yourself and those around you.
If you can not cope with long-term stress on your own, you should definitely go to a professional psychotherapist for advice. The price of consulting a psychologist in this case should not worry, much more important emotional and mental state, mental health and quality of life.