My dear, now I ask you to think carefully and answer me one question: what is more important to you – marriage or happiness? Do you think they're necessarily included?
"He proposed to me, and we've only been Dating for a month!” Happy Katya is showing off to her friends the new ring, choose long “that” dress, and getting married... and divorced a year later.
The guy suggested to Olga to move in together. She threw a tantrum in the style of " You don't love me”, received a marriage proposal and...also divorced.
What do these stories have in common? Both girls married for the sake of marriage. For the record, " married and survived." Or maybe it was worth trying to build a relationship with a man correctly, without formalities and ultimatums?
1. In the registry office and without further ADO
Immediately say: "I not such a. Sex only after marriage”, to enable the manipulative and lead a man to the registry office “still warm”. The girl is afraid that if she moves to him without a ring on her finger, he will relax, lose motivation, and she will not receive the cherished offer. She was already cooking his favorite dishes, sleeping in his bed and Ironing his shirts. Mission accomplished. Why does a man need some kind of registry office and formalities?
And then will begin:
"Let's test our feelings."
• “We are the same without a marriage certificate okay, you're starting again?”
"First the apartment, the car, the business, then the wedding."
I suppose you've heard it before?" And I do not deny that many men use such excuses. But you know what is strange: some women naively believe that if a man agreed to bring his passport to the registry office-so he is ready to take responsibility for the family, ready to change. That's signed and all, lazy will turn into a workaholic, and lover of “campfire songs” just forget about the existence of friends.
Here is with this I disagree flatly. If you long and persistently begged the man “Well let's get married, I so want a wedding” or put an ultimatum – and he agreed, this decision can not be called conscious. And believe me, happier that you received the status of “wife” you won't. Because a man makes a woman happy, not a ring on her finger.
I really want you to understand that you and a man can tie the knot, children, mortgage and loan on the refrigerator, but closer and closer to each other you will not become.
2. See if you fit together?
My dear, let us think logically: is it possible to be happy with a man whom you do not know at all?
* With whom you did not lead a joint life. What if he's a slob and he's just going to annoy you?
You don't know how he feels about his woman. Are you sure you can spot a tyrant or a gigolo at a glance?
• Whether you will be good together, whether you will harmonize as a couple. Do you have common goals, are you compatible in sex, how do you solve conflicts?
If you've only had a few meetings with a man, you only feel sympathy for him. My dear, that's not enough to run off and apply to the registry office right now.
It's good for you to relax with him in Thailand, walk hand in hand through the streets or kiss in the movies. But this is not a guarantee that you will live a long and happy life together.
I believe that the goal of” getting married as soon as possible " is incorrect in itself. It is important to start living together on its territory, look at each other and understand whether you are on the way or better to look for another partner.
Perhaps after a few weeks of marriage you will look at a man quite different eyes. Because people only open up in a collaborative relationship. It may turn out that you were interested in spending time with him, and there is no sexual attraction to him. Or is he romantic, giving flowers-gifts, but do not know how to conduct a life. And you go like a mushroom picker collect scattered things and dirty dishes.
How things should be done ideally?
You live in his apartment.
Think of it as a reference to primal instincts: if a man brings you to his territory, to his lair – then he is interested in a serious relationship. No need to bring him to his apartment, even if it is large and Packed with the latest fashion.
* In your territory the man will not feel comfortable, and you will be the mistress of the situation.
* This is another reason for quarrels. You will demand to make repair, and the man will answer you “ "I in General here anybody".
* There is a risk that he will be a gigolo or lazy Bumpkin. These men are primarily interested in whether you have a living space?
This is not a civil marriage. There is no need to define the relationship, it is a relic of the past. Think of it as a compatibility test. If you are cool together and before the wedding – there will be no obstacles to reach the registry Office. Only this decision will be mutual and conscious. And people who just want to walk on someone else's wedding, can keep their opinions to themselves.
Yes, if we are talking about the birth of a child, it is better not to delay the formalities. But in order to just live with a man, this bureaucracy is not necessary. Just read these lines correctly-to live for a while, and not to spend with him in cohabitation for several years.
The presence of masculine qualities. "He married me, so he's not afraid of responsibility." When I hear that, I want to ask: seriously? A man can put his signature in the registry Office, even make a woman two children-and disappear without a trace. And believe me, my dear, no marriage certificate will hold him.
You should be interested not in the willingness to buy you a ring, and the presence of masculine qualities. And if you just live together, but he:
• Responsible.
* Able to make decisions.
• Strong.
He makes you feel safe.
* He does not stand still, engaged in self-development, sets goals and achieves them.
* Cares about you – he will remain so after the wedding.
If he does not have these qualities, it is foolish to expect that they will magically appear. Please don't think a man will change – it's an illusion. He is as you see him now. And you should consider: you'll be able to take it, he'll need this or not?
Develop as a woman. If you are attracted to unworthy men - it does not mean that the normal on this planet is not left. What request you broadcast to the world is what you get.
• Do you have low self-esteem? There is a risk of attracting a male tyrant who will only aggravate your condition.
• Live in the “I?"Meet the seals-bummers who are looking for a replacement mom and a free feeder.
* Do you like to save on yourself? A man will also buy you dresses in the second-hand, because " what's the big deal?”
A woman who loves, appreciates and accepts herself will never enter into a toxic relationship, will not allow herself to be used.
Remember: men who are ready after a couple of dates to lead you to the registry office, can be dangerous. It's either tyrants who need to assert themselves at the expense of women, or storytellers who want something from you to get.
Relations should develop. If you live with a man unofficially, it does not mean that you have to wait for the weather from the sea. Keep working on yourself, on your relationship.
* That he saw in you not just a convenient option, but a cool woman for whom he will conquer new heights.
* To make you feel comfortable and good with this man.
Set yourself the right goals, do not get hung up on “What can I do to get married?”
I am surprised by women who say: "Yaroslav, I have a problem: a man does not call me down the aisle.” And when I ask “ " are you otherwise okay? You have a harmonious relationship, mutual understanding, he in every sense suits you as a man?"then I get the answer:”no, of course not." My dear, tell me: how can a visit to the registry office can fix the relationship?
Only if you have trust, intimacy, you are perfectly compatible-you can make a natural next step.
And in such a marriage you atoning not only the official status, but and happiness.