Why do you need a family psychologist in a divorce? When people have already decided to divorce, they may think “ " what kind of psychologist? We're divorcing. Out of sight out of mind! It's too late to mend fences!”. And this is a very big mistake.
People don't just break up. As a rule, they part on a huge wave of negativity, when they can no longer perceive each other neutrally. Often divorced partners perceive each other exaggerated negatively. "Vile type”," Crazy”, "Scum", "Scum" -what only words people each-friend not call.
Meanwhile, leaving in this part of his life, unresolved such a negative, people create a lot of problems in later life. What could be the problem? The most various, for example, man can start to see in all humans beginnings bad, making impossible further relations. Or, a common child can become a means of manipulation, through which divorced parents will take revenge on each other. And it may be that people will secretly grieve for the lost.
Meanwhile, all this can be avoided if the divorce is properly completed. Help in this can family psychologist. Consider the most common problems that can be solved.
A child between two fires
The most tragic situation that can arise is when parents begin to incite the child against each other. Mothers often tell children that dad does not love them and cares only about himself. Dads often do no better, and sometimes even worse. There are very tragic cases when one of the parents kidnaps a child.
In a milder form, former spouses can sue, spending endless litigation hefty sums of money.
Naturally, all this is to the detriment of the child. And in harm very a serious. The child is constantly living in stress. On the baby piled not children's problems that he is not able to solve. This leaves a serious imprint on the personality. Children shut down, become unmanageable and subject to other negative influences.
All this happens because the former spouses can not agree and are not ready to admit that although they differ, but between them there are still obligations. And these obligations concern not only selfish interests, but above all the most important thing — the child.
Divorce is accompanied by a strong intensity of emotions, which completely turns off critical thinking. This makes it impossible to try to negotiate on their own. In such a situation, a third neutral party is needed, which does not cause such off-scale emotions. Family psychologist in divorce and is a party that helps the former spouses to hear each other, to make the necessary decisions and agreements.
Bitterness for the lost
Often people go to the aggravation of the conflict not because they really need it, but because of some of their beliefs. It may be stubbornness, the desire by all means to impose its right, sometimes blind revenge, and sometimes even some kind of murk.
After such a separation, a person does not feel relief, but feels that this is not what he(she) wanted. It happens that people wanted attention, or wanted such an inadequate way to push the partner, and it turned out that's all... But to admit to ourselves that we were biased is very difficult. It is very difficult to admit your mistakes. And then people begin to come up with excuses, fantasize additional reasons, just to prove their case. But the bitterness is not going anywhere…
In order not to get into such a situation, at the break it is useful to check your objectivity. We may not see the whole situation. Of course, it's possible that people do the right thing when they break up. But if people rely only on the first available reason, then in the future they may feel doubt in the correctness of their decision. The bitterness that follows can poison the rest of your life.
Family psychologist helps to disassemble the situation on the bones, look at it from above. To identify what is important and what is secondary. When the couple themselves see it-they make an objective, sound and Mature decision. Sometimes it's divorce, but sometimes it's reconciliation and even going to the next level. The main thing in such help is that people make exactly the decision that they need.
Exaggerated negativity
Imagine that people lived together for many years, they have a lot in common. Not just emotions, but shared property, children, and God knows what else. And then there is a “Reason". Enough reason to break up, but not enough to ruin everything. Then people start exaggerating the negativity so that the reason is enough to not just get divorced, but to destroy the hell out of everything! To not pity was.
And here the husband is not just someone who no longer love and stinker, subhuman of some kind. The wife is not just that I don't want to, but a nasty shrew. Any negative quality is multiplied by one hundred.
And here is the situation when the father is unworthy of their children, for now he is the “insect” for some nasty, she's not the woman you once loved, but heartless scum. People are starting to see each other as bad, and that's not what they want.
After all, in the subconscious they have this transformation from love to hatred and contempt. Each new person can cause fear, because if it was in the past, then why is it with new people can not be repeated?
It is better not to allow such hatred in your life.