What is a symbolic point and an unfinished situation? Everyone in life there were moments when we were faced with difficulties that could not cope. Such moments continue to dominate us and pull us back into the past.
For example, someone said hurtful words, and the person could not adequately answer them. Or a loved one passed away, and we did not have time to tell him something important. Or the situation demanded to prove, and the person didn't manage, was confused, frightened, didn't find forces on action. Either the person pulls with some important decision. Such memories tend to become dominant in our minds.
Then he mentally takes revenge on the offender twenty years, always looking for clearer wording, to “replay” it. Can't let go of the past, can't stop reacting emotionally to memories. The other person continues to blame himself for what has been said or not said, even after many years.
These are all symptoms of an unfinished situation. Man and glad would forgive or forget, however he not can this do and continues to mentally to return in that day, in the hour, when need was something say, do or not allow.
Components of an unfinished situation
An unfinished situation has three components at its core: emotional, cognitive(thinking about the problem), and behavioral. Let's look at each component in detail.
Emotional component
Every emotion is a response to some primitive stimulus. Such stimuli may be danger(physical danger, threat of dominance, threat to relatives), the object of animal lust(sexual desire, food desire) and the object of avoidance (disgust and contempt).
For example, a person in relation to which verbal or physical aggression is manifested, feels anger and fear, because in the case of “loss” he feels threatened by his dominance or even life. If he could not adequately respond, the emotion is imprinted in the memory. This situation is regarded as important and the "subconscious" tells us that here you have behaved incorrectly, suffered damage, remember it, learn lessons and do not do it again.
We remember better not those situations where we showed the best side, and those where we screwed up. Negative information is more important in terms of survival, and therefore it is given higher priority.
The main purpose of such a memory is to learn a lesson.
Cognitive component (thoughts about losing)
The cognitive component is a response to an emotional component. Emotion asks us a problem, a question to which we must find the answer. In fact, the cognitive component can be reduced to the question — “What did I do wrong?”.
The person begins to analyze the situation that caused his emotional reaction and begins to build behaviors. "You should have done this, not this…”
The problem is that quite often people do not bring such an analysis to the end. Do not bring mental modeling to a realistic model of the reaction. For example, a person who is defeated in an argument focuses on the actions of his opponent, not his own.
As a result, he cannot learn from the situation. As a result, the emotional charge remains and the person remembers the situation again and again.
The task of this stage is to develop a position on this type of situation. Decide how a person would act under similar circumstances
Behavioral component
So the emotional component gives us a challenge. The cognitive component analyzes it and creates a model of behavior. What does the behavioral component do? He checks the decision in practice.
If a person has adopted a model of behavior, and in practice did not implement it, or its results were negative, the situation is subject to reconsideration. Again there is emotion, once again thoughts about the problem.
A symbolic point
This is a fairly effective algorithm for finding optimal life strategies. However, like any algorithm, it has its limits, and therefore in certain situations it can interfere with our lives.
The problem with this algorithm is that not all situations are repeated in practice. If a person is insulted, but the next time he was able to stand up for himself, the emotional charge of the memory goes away. What if a person never meets such a situation again? In this case, the negative memory continues to press on him. The lesson is not learned, and therefore our psyche will force us to think about it.
Often people remember their childhood grievances, or feel guilty about those people who are no longer there, and so on.
What to do in this situation? We need to end this situation, at least symbolically. to do this, invented a number of psychotherapeutic methods that allow you to play the situation, to develop a solution and consolidate it in practice. This is the symbolic point.