Today, many people want to develop masculinity or femininity. A whole business has grown on this desire. Men go to various trainings which through fights and aggression allegedly make men more courageous. Women also do not lag behind and go for all sorts of “feminine practices”, trying to develop a sexy edge, and also some of the qualities that the author of the training considered femininity.
Life isn't like that. Life does not know standards, in it each person has his own set of qualities that can not fit into any framework. However, you can meet a lot of people who sincerely believe that you need something to match. So they begin to shred themselves and others, creating their ideal.
At the same time some fascist approach is propagandized that those who do not meet this framework, some defective and have to drag out a miserable existence. And people listen to these stories and believe that someone can judge them only on some insignificant personal traits.
Masculinity
What is masculinity? In fact, if you ask this question to a random person, he is unlikely to immediately find what to answer. Most likely-just say something about strength and a bunch of options for what a man should do.
The problem with all stereotypes is that no one fits them. If you think of all the men you have met, you will see that all these people are different.
Well, how to drive them under the stereotype?
By the way, what is his stereotype of a real man? According to the stereotype — it is such a little baboon, a little aggressive “Male”, fearless as a samurai... and a little stupid. Interesting picture, but which is not true. And moreover, most of it does not fit. Thank God.
The fact is that such people are not needed everywhere. In today's world valued not only this(although and valued), but and other quality. Let's take a bill gates. He certainly doesn't fit that stereotype, but he's done a great job with his life. He got rich not because he was a baboon, but simply because he made the most of his qualities, those that are given to him by nature.
People are so different. When a child is born, it very soon becomes clear what it is. Nothing can change that. He has a certain set of “preferences” and do you never move. You can only find a place in life where these qualities can be realized as much as possible.
And if you try to become something that you are not, you just give up what is given by nature.
Given that, it's odd that many men seek to regain their masculinity. For example, why learn to hit each other in the face(and more money to pay for it) as if it is something in your life changes. It just so happens that this skill in the modern world is not in demand. Is it only in sport, but in the power structures. There Yes, a useful skill.
Usually, when they say that someone is not courageous enough, it is about the simplest manipulation, when a man is asked what he does not want to do.
Femininity
With femininity, the story is even worse. There is knotted even more stupid stereotypes: how to look, how women behave, what women should want, what to donate and what to endure.
But not only that many traditional stereotypes are hung on women, but every day new ones are added. Women are now earning billions, somehow imposing new standards every year. Femininity, as a method of manipulation, is even more common than masculinity.
As a psychologist, I first of all pay attention to various trainings of questionable content. What there only there is no! And men to seduce, and their opponents to win, and whom to choose in men. Requests, of course, relevant. That's just, hand on heart, is it possible to teach all this?
Every woman is unique. What makes one seductive makes the other ridiculous. The man who makes one happy, for another will be the embodiment of hell on earth. Therefore, all recipes, what to be and whom to marry is not effective and only harm one.
At the time, noticed a pattern. Women who read a very famous women's magazine, which is full of advice-very quickly divorced. Because there they finally explain how to live. As a result, they destroy their lives.
What is the real masculinity and femininity?
As it is not surprising, but the recipe for real masculinity and femininity is one and it is very simply formulated. Masculinity and femininity are defined by attractiveness to the opposite sex.
This means that you are masculine (feminine) or not, it does not depend on you, but on the opinion of the opposite sex. In addition, this means that the criteria can vary extremely widely, which means that there is no need to worry about this at all.
If you remove the brackets of beauty, and men and women are attracted to personality, naturalness, integrity and adaptability to life. That is, the ability to honestly and boldly present yourself to people, not trying to impersonate someone else. When a person tries to become not who he is, people feel it and suspect some trick. They don't understand what it is that pushes them away, but they don't want to have anything to do.
So be yourself! It's the best strategy.