The legacy of the past is the present. On the subject of this article I was prompted by a complaint of one person on a well-known psychological site. He complained that he had too many problems and all because of the fact that he was raised by women. I immediately noticed a few typical mistakes of people that I wanted to tell you.
Now you can often hear such phrases: "Blame women's education” “" All my problems from childhood”, "the Consequences of child Psychotrauma" and other theses that place the blame for today's failures on something or someone in the past.
Quite often with such ready installations come to the psychologist. Unfortunately, there are many "psychologists" who plant such attitudes in people's heads. In this article I want to debunk the myth of the power of the past over our present.
The illusory power of the past
Let's think, what does our behavior consist of? In General, our behavior consists of repetitive actions, habitual actions.
I think I'm not lying if I say that 90% of everything we do is dictated by our habits.
What is habit? On the one hand, it is a kind of behavior that originated sometime in the past. From here it seems logical that "the past is to blame".
However, people often forget that habit is also what we do in the present. And the past does not exist... it Turns out that all the problems from what is happening in the present? What a twist.
It follows that our problems are not to blame our moms, and we ourselves. "But how?"- some will ask me - " it Turns out I am to blame for everything and I am responsible for my life?”. It's very hard to accept, because it deprives us of excuses, but it really is.
Did something traumatic happen to us? Yes. Were our parents wrong in their upbringing? Undoubtedly.
Are they to blame for everything? No. Is the past to blame for our problems today? Only indirectly.
We are not some stone in outer space, which something once and for all gave the impetus to the movement and now he is forced to fly in one direction.
We have a choice, we can change the trajectory of our movement at any time. At any time.
We're humans, not meteorites. We have free will. Know that the only thing that can change you is yourself. It's what you think of yourself.
And you are mostly a set of skills and habits. Even what you think of yourself is just a habit.
Yes, external circumstances can change our trajectory, our habits, but if our internal engine, our will works in us, then all circumstances are nonsense.
Habit is like a spinning rotor. At first it seems that it can not be stopped, but if you apply a little force in the opposite direction, then gradually we will stop its giant inertia. And then we can spin it in the right direction.
Women's education
When people talk about female education, I want to ask, what is it? Are there many negative aspects?
And these negative moments can not be inherent in the male education? By the way, what is it-male education? It's all just words.
When you talk about women's education, it seems as if there are only two options. Like religion.
One is professed by all men, and the other by women. But this is utter nonsense.
Sometimes women behave more courageously than men themselves (don't take me for a feminist :-)). And men sometimes set such an example of "masculine behavior" that it would be better if there was no example at all.
It's not about the past, it's about something we don't like about ourselves. It is tempting to pass the buck on to someone else. But I will say this: "do not like something in yourself-change!”.
Legacy of the past
There is a common misconception that if we find the root cause, it will magically change something. This outcome is very unlikely. Here's why.
There's no turning back. Memories are not a time machine. Even if we find the cause of our problems, it doesn't change everything between that cause and today.
Why dig into the past and find out what influenced us, what gave us momentum? The main thing today, this second to start our trajectory to change.
In addition, there is a lot of research that our memories are not static, but change over time. Every time you remember something, you bring an element of fantasy into your memories.