How to become calm? Quite often people react inadequately to various life circumstances. Irritated on the smallest occasions.
Yelling at people when they do something wrong from their point of view. All this indicates a lack of skills of emotional self-regulation.
Let's think in what situation people get annoyed? The main reason is the discrepancy between the situation and our expectations. But this is life! To live is to be constantly confronted with the deception of our expectations.
Sooner or later a person realizes that his irritation absolutely does not affect anything in a positive way. An irritable response always makes the situation worse than it was before.
Given example:
1) Situation: Clipped on the road. Reaction: the Man got angry and decided to cut back. Outcome: traffic accident or scrum on the road.
2) Situation: the Child does not listen. Response: the parent leaped righteous anger and he yelled at the child. Outcome: the Parent has committed a pedagogical error and reduced his authority.
3) the Situation: Man came in passport the table, and there turn. Reaction: loud, angry, rude, write a complaint. The result: the Person five times sent to re-fill the documents.
Cause of irritation
People are annoyed for one main reason - they subconsciously believe that it can help, perhaps because for some reason they consider themselves very important person.
Because of this” belief " they form maladaptive behavioral response. For any problem, a person begins to hysteria and loudly to resent the wrong world.
This reaction looks like this: problem → anger → waiting for the situation to be corrected → the situation is not corrected → anger…
This reaction is formed as follows. The man was in some difficult situation in which he showed anger. However. the man was lucky and the situation was resolved safely, despite his or her anger.
The person is fixed in the memory that the approach worked. Then he begins to apply this approach more often in life, thereby strengthening it more and more.
Over time, this reaction begins to spread to more and more situations. For example, at first the person is irritated only in the car, constantly swearing in the manner of driving other drivers. So he learns to respond to difficult situations swearing.
Then the person can begin to react irritably at work, in the family. It is also possible that a person also begins to criticize himself, calling himself an idiot, a fool, and so on.
This behavior in turn gives more and more reasons for irritation. In the end, a person becomes an angry grouch, with whom no one communicates.
Sometimes this process takes decades, and sometimes it takes a few years.
How to become calm?
One can become calm in exactly the same way that people become irritable. Development of automatic reaction. For this purpose it is necessary to react correctly to problem situations.
The right model to respond to the problem:
Problem → problem analysis → choosing the most effective method to solve the problem.
You can observe two different ways of responding to a situation in everyday life. When something happens, some begin to be indignant, look for the culprits, etc.
And the second silently correct a situation. As a result, the first live in eternal stress, and the second in a calm orderly world.
How to implement it in practice?
To do this, you need to choose some standard situation that causes you irritation and stop acting in this situation automatically and start thinking about it.
For example, someone is irritated by traffic jams. A person can be daily irritated by such a situation, harassing himself and passengers nearby. We should start with the analysis.
Will screaming help in such a situation? Will road rage help? What will? If nothing works, should we just accept traffic jams as normal?
In short, you need to gradually accustom yourself to a new system of response to problem situations. First in a small area of our lives. Gradually acquired the skill of adequate response, which begins to move itself into other areas of life, as more effective.
This technique will gradually completely change their behavioral model and become much calmer.