All marriages are different. People are United by completely different things. However, these things can be both good and bad. A strong marriage can be based on the good and the light and the dark sides of the human soul. At the same time from something bad, the most wonderful relations can grow, and on something light can grow nothing.
It all depends on how people coincide with each other. To what extent do the desires, motives, aspirations, fears, vices, resources of people coincide? A lot depends on it. It happens that from the outside it seems that people do not fit together, but they live together for decades. Perhaps they have some secret? You just don't see that they coincide in something important for them.
There is also a reverse situation. When all think- " What a good couple! As each other!". In fact, they have nothing in common. It is impossible to understand from the outside, people are suitable for each other or not.
But no matter how different marriages are, there are certain features that distinguish strong unions. I will try to describe these features.
7 rules of a strong marriage
Stop looking better
There will always be someone who is more beautiful, smarter, kinder and so on. But people aren't toys that you can throw if there was something brighter and newer. Many people perceive people this way and run from person to person, as if dealing with mannequins. And they do not understand that they lose something more valuable-loved ones.
Close people-this is the most important thing in life and throw this absolute value in any case impossible.
Grow together
Quite often it happens that one spouse grows as a person, and the other remains at the same level. In such a situation, loss of contact is inevitable. We have to go through life at the same speed if we want to be together. It's almost physics, just relationship physics.
The same need for intimacy
We're all different. One requires constant emotional contact, to be all the time side by side. And the other likes solitude and greater autonomy. When people's needs for intimacy coincide, they feel neither resentment nor fatigue, they move in the same rhythm. When not, quarrels and misunderstandings are inevitable. It is important that the "other" in our lives was just as much as it takes our soul.
Unifying business
Strong alliances are made for a reason. They are concluded to achieve a certain goal. For some, it may be a goal to give birth and raise children. For others, it may be a fusion of business and personal relationships, when the couple have a common business. For others, it may be a Union of necessity, when people cannot survive alone. In short-there must be some goal that is difficult to achieve individually. Then at the heart of marriage there is a partnership, which is a stronger Foundation than, for example, passion.
Regard
Of course, there are marriages where the level of respect is quite low. Such marriages may even exist for a long time, but they are not strong.
When there is no respect, it is not a Union, but something else. After all, in the absence of respect, equality is impossible, and only dictatorship and confrontation are possible. Neither gives strength to marriage.
Passion
Of course, high feelings are very important, but the physical basis of the relationship is also important. People need to be attracted to each other physically. Passion gives the relationship the energy it needs to fuel all that is common between spouses.
Obligations.
Any Union is not just a pleasant pastime, but also mutual obligations that must be fulfilled. Therefore, it is so important to formalize the marriage. Marriage is a contract, something big, promises said witnesses. It is the contract that defines that fine line when the Union still makes sense or marriage had nothing left.
Right — what does it mean? A lot of people do a lot of stupid things because they think they're right. They do bad things to their loved ones, say insults because they made some mistake. Behave aggressively with strangers, who somehow took himself inadvertently. Take revenge and try to independently implement justice (as they understand it).
Why is this happening? This is because people believe that our "rightness “gives us some advantage over others, that” rightness" has some sacred power. This is certainly not the case. Today I will tell you a theory (of his own composition) about how there was a sense of rightness.
How did the feeling of rightness appear?
Imagine that once upon a time there was only the right of the strong, although this situation is not observed in its purest form, even in monkeys. Let us imagine some healthy savage man who, by his strength, exercises arbitrariness. Of course, other, weaker people do not like it. Then they unite against this strongman and punish him. Over time, they understand the need to make criteria when they should punish insolent and when not. This is the rule or right.
You may have noticed that the word “right “has some connection with the word” right " and even similar to it. Really, it means law. Accordingly, our rightness depends on how our actions comply with the law (or the rules, in a broader sense).
It would seem that everything is clear. However, people forget that right does not automatically mean that justice will prevail, for this someone must initiate the use of force against the violator of the rules.
Perhaps you already felt one subtlety. Rightness is rightness only when it can be defended. When you have a force behind you that will stand up for you, based on the generally accepted rules. It can be the law, public opinion and so on.
When a person decides that he is right, without relying on norms, he is wrong. It doesn't matter what we think. But the value is different. For example, society, as a rule, condemns the manifestation of aggression: revenge, spreading hands, insults, screams. This means that the one who behaves in this way is definitely not right, but whether the opponent is right is still worth finding out.
No matter how right a person is initially, such actions automatically make him wrong in the eyes of other people. And in fact they are.
What gives us the right?
We all live in a civilized society that protects us. We are accustomed to this protection from childhood and began to take it for granted. Therefore, many people fall into several dangerous delusions.
First, they believe that the right has some independent force and that if you are right, then everyone should recognize it. They forget that people recognize such a right only under pressure from society. There is no “magic” in being right, it does not guarantee anything.
Second, people get so used to having a force constantly protecting them that they may come to an unconscious conclusion that it is a force protecting their desires and comfort. It is this misconception that leads people to make dramatic mistakes in interpersonal interaction.
Being under the impression of this feeling of false rightness, people begin to behave rudely, aggressively and insultingly, for which they get in the end on the head. But because a person is under the influence of delusion, he considers himself unjustly injured (for the truth).
It turns out a pun “ " Right does not give us any exclusive rights." Being right only allows us to turn to society for protection.
It is worth considering when we defend our interests.