Why do some couples have trust in relationships and others don't? One live soul in soul, and others constantly find out something “ " check feelings”, spy on each other, are jealous…
The thing is that people quite often have some special requirements for relationships. Many people think that there is a standard and they keep in mind a list of what should happen to the relationship was considered ideal. And God forbid a loved one or a favorite is doing something wrong. Immediately begin suspicions “ " You don't love me”, “you have someone else” and so on.
Suspicions arise out of fear. Fear, not love, not values... And then the man becomes need proof of love: “giving flowers”, “cooks soup”…
Where does fear come from?
Where does fear come from in a relationship?
90% of all fears are caused by uncertainty. Fear is a derivative of uncertainty. Often people talk about anything but the most important things. Many people avoid talking about their feelings, experiences, aspirations.
As a result, people live side by side, but in fact do not know anything about each other. They can not predict the behavior of each other, which leads to doubts and fears.
In the fiction described, that this happiness open in favorite or favorite something new. In fact, such discoveries arouse interest, but not trust. Interest is important at the initial stage of the relationship, but not when the relationship goes on long-term rails. In such a situation, the "mystery" in a loved one is only a concern.
What is the basis of trust in a relationship?
Trust is based on confidence, predictability and stability. To better understand the basis of trust, let's move for a second from interpersonal relationships to a more understandable topic of discussion.
Which Bank would you put your money in? I would venture to suggest that the one that has a good reputation, a long history, with a transparent financial policy, which can provide some guarantees. It's the same in relationships.
Conditions for the emergence of trust in the relationship:
1. Not demand trust. Some people, as soon as they meet, are already beginning to pretend to be trusted. “Why don't you tell me your Bank card pin code, you don't trust me?”. Any person who is asked such a question, mentally agree that really does not trust. But he will answer according to his nature.
Really, why should anyone trust anyone? Trust is not the thing that is demanded. It must be earned.
2. Transparency. The first thing that builds trust is transparency and openness. The one who has nothing to hide, will never hide, and the first will offer to check it. When a person begins to be encrypted, it causes people to doubt his motives.
You should feel like a solid, respectable Bank that keeps open information about your business, but at the same time cares about security.
Transparency doesn't mean you have to tell your secrets. Transparency is about speaking openly about your intentions, pastimes and activities.
3. Time. Building trust takes time. People don't tend to give a lot of credit at once. First they trust in little things, then more and more. This should be treated with understanding.
4. Cases. What would not were beautiful words, and attitude to us determine Affairs.
5. Reputation. If over time, a person shows his best side, the trust in him grows.
If both people comply with these conditions, then trust appears in the relationship. If someone is strenuously stuffed in the Trustees, secretive, over time allows "mistakes", the trust can not be formed.
Trust in a relationship is like a tree. It does not happen that the tree immediately became large and strong. First it is a seed, then a sprout, then a young tree, and only then an adult tree on which to lean. It needs to be watered, looked after and protected.
What can prevent the formation of trust?
I have already written the conditions that allow you to build trust in the relationship. But what can prevent the fulfillment of these conditions? They may be hampered by dysfunctional beliefs. Let's look at one of them.
Belief “" if like, then must to believe!”
Many people are very offended when a loved one shows some apprehension. Say, how so? “I am all honest and trust worthy, probably, do not love me, just don't trust me!”
In fact, love has nothing to do with trust. Early, anyway. You just like the man, but he does not know you at all.
Many in this period are beginning demand trust, as if they his than something deserved. Thus, they break the other person through the knee, put him before a choice, to keep the relationship or to trust? Thus forcing to be trust, to risk, although people still so not ready for this.
No one really has to do anything. Trust needs to be earned and it takes time.