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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
How to distinguish good from bad?
Of course, we all strive to influence our loved ones for their good. We strive to protect from the bad and direct to the good. Parents are a prime example. Therefore, if the “manipulator” does not receive personal benefits from its actions, but receives the “manipulated”, then this is “good manipulation”. More precisely, it’s not quite a manipulation, but a kind of “change management”.
In particular, if loved ones want to rid you of bad habits, smoke, for example. It is clear that in this case the “object of manipulation” gets the positive result: health (or unavoidable illness otherwise), a few extra years of life, a decent amount of money saved (spent on cigarettes and, later, on drugs) and so on . It seems to be all around.
“But this is“ violence against the person, ”the“ object of manipulation ”will say. “I enjoy it, and I have the right to decide for myself!” And, indeed, where is the line between the desire to help and the right to own decisions?
And therefore the second criterion is ethical standards. A kind of border to which we can intervene in the life of another, albeit close person. Everyone here has their own idea of these boundaries and norms. From complete freedom of the individual to total control "for the good." Truth, or rather common sense, as usual, is somewhere in between.
The right to choose and unobtrusive propaganda
First of all, do not forget that a person still has the right to make independent decisions: accept your “proposal” or reject it (we are not discussing the legal limitations of liability regarding children). As the saying goes: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." Moreover, if a person does not internally agree, he will always do what he wants. Just secretly from you.
On the other hand, the firm “no” said in time helped many generations of children to escape many troubles. But they say it’s impossible now - “it doesn’t work”.
So, among the main methods of good manipulation is non-intrusiveness. Such a "propaganda of the good." But for it to be effective, the very professional methods of influence are often used.
Magical effects
- So what needs to be done? How to act? Set a personal example. All true leaders do that.
- Explain the meaning of action. Only by understanding “why is this” and “how important is this” will a person do something.
- Encourage proper behavior. Praise (deservedly). To notice any trifle when it is possible to praise. In our education system, alas, this is still a rarity.
- Encourage independence. If you can’t afford it, then “let's do it together”, and not “it's too early for you”.
- To develop an inner need to do useful things, and not “you will get buns if you do this” (by the way, this is another bad manipulation).
- To interest your child in a big goal - one that ignites and leads to the right result. Help him go to her! Goal management is what it's called in business.
- "The elephant must be eaten in parts." To give feasible tasks and appreciate the joy that I myself could do. It energizes.
- Encourage reflection in finding the “best way.” Do not blame, but parse errors. Explain their value. Without errors, experience does not appear.
- Gradualness. This - if you want to change the behavior of a loved one - allows you to avoid conflicts.
- The duration of the "propaganda" (but here it will be important "what" say and "how" say). Habits form for a long time, and even longer change. Therefore tune in to a marathon. Water sharpens a stone.
- To be sure of the inevitability of what was conceived. You are doing a good deed. But first, answer yourself honestly: would you like this to be imposed on you?
- Discuss all the nuances with your loved ones without hiding anything. Including their doubts. And so that everyone has an equal voice. Dialogue and trust are expensive. Nowhere without it.
I believe that it is possible and necessary to use methods of influence on other people, while observing ethical standards. But only for good, in dialogue and so that a person himself wants it. And again:
“If you want changes in the future, become these changes in the present” (Mahatma Gandhi).
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