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The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
In today's world, children experience tremendous psychological stress. Carefree childhood is minimized even in kindergarten, not to mention school. Parents and teachers command and manipulate, in an effort to "push through" their decisions in order to "manage to do everything" and "make a person out of a child." The motives are real and most of their actions are really good.
It is clear that while in constant pressure and time pressure, children periodically experience psychological fatigue, depression, and even complete depression. And they need help. Psychological.
What does psychology say about this? We will not take serious cases when professional assistance is indispensable. Consider everyday stress.
When parents and teachers “saw” and “run into” their children in the style of “what are you doing wrong”, “deuce again” and “how are you behaving ?!” How does the child perceive this? Emotionally! Almost any child reacts in this way: from 6 to 16. He feels that he is “spread rot” and that “he is bad”. Even if the claim is more than deserved. And at the same time, of course, his desires are suppressed.
“It is necessary”, “must”, “you never know what you want” - these are perhaps the most common words of parents. Scientists thought that of all the words of parents addressed to a teenager, 70% are teams. Because there is simply no time for soft persuasion and explanation. Preventing “unwanted behavior” is necessary on the go and hard.
It turns out that the main function of parents and teachers is control, along with the desire to instill self-control and internal censorship in the child. As a rule, this is achieved by prohibitions and various types of punishments. Although the goal itself is from the category of vital.
But psychologists say: for a long time in this state there may be units. And the majority either starts to "rebel", or "goes into depression", that is, either "I don’t want and will do it", or "I can not do it - I feel bad and have no strength."
And here, according to psychologists, a little person (and a big one too) needs a "good friend" - outside or inside him. Which will not read notations and condemn, but will support, despite all the "shoals". Because, say psychologists - accusations, guilt and shame in addition, destroy.
Yes, that was, it was - and it has passed, why dwell on this. You can and should accept your emotions - everyone has the right to anger and tears. To throw out aggression (it is better in sports), to be alone with yourself, to hysteria, cry in the end, and continue to live. And this approach really helps to get out of the oppressed state.
However ... if you regularly "justify yourself", saying "I want and have the right," then destructive behavior becomes the norm. And alas, there are enough examples of this. Because the understanding of “what is good” and “what is bad” is eroded. They are replaced by "doing everything I want and this is my right."
Emergency psychological assistance, and it’s exactly the way out of depression that “does not cure” the causes of depression. And the transition from emotional perception to analysis of the situation will not happen on its own - the help of “elders” is also needed here. And most importantly, there is such an opinion, you need to give the child to realize his desires.
Many psychologists say that a person grows up and becomes happy only when he begins to give priority to his desires - and fulfills them. "I want and I can." But adulthood is to “want” achievable things and does not strive for ideal.
However, there is a contradiction here. Analysis of the social environment shows that a high level of personal freedom and satisfaction of basic human needs leads to an increase in the number of single people, depressive states and suicides.
It would seem a paradox. People began to live well, to follow their desires much more, but there was no happiness. On the contrary, a global problem has arisen. As a prime example, the newly created UK Department of Solitude. Because desires in the absolute - this is like a race for the ideal - is unattainable by definition.
It is no coincidence that in countries where the cult of the family is strong, patriarchal "collectivist" traditions are strong, where individual freedom is more limited by traditions, loneliness and depression are not a mass phenomenon, and there are much less suicides. In Europe, the most favorable situation in the Mediterranean countries (Greece, Italy, Spain) is many times better than in the North and East European countries. Although the economic situation in these countries is frankly bad.
The fact is, self-confidence (mental health) and happiness brings the support of loved ones when a person is loved and appreciated, when he does something useful and enjoyable for those around him, and not the fulfillment of his endless desires. For children, this is especially important.
In other words, fulfilling the desires to the maximum and encouraging the child’s ego and ambitions, you may doom him to loneliness and depression.
The reason is simple: where selfishness triumphs, human ties with other people are destroyed, loneliness grows and, as a result, depression arises. The egoist is always alone. Because the basic harmony is violated - the balance of values.
Want healthy and happy kids? Then follow centuries-proven methods:
- Maintain and create family traditions. Create an atmosphere that the family is “their” forever.
- Maintain a balance between school and home, work / study and leisure, family and friends, personal interests and family interests. In this case, even if in one place “complete failure”, well-being in other places will support the child afloat.
- Engage in joint activities. Affairs, where everything is equal - and each has its own responsible role. Go skiing and bathing together, make dumplings together, clean the house together, prepare holidays and presents for your relatives together. Give children the opportunity to realize their “I can.”
- Support in difficult times, never say “this is your problem”, do not push your children away even in anger. Do not blame all sins, do not generalize, do not command, do not crush, but do not be indifferent.
- Talk with your children every day about what excites them (and sometimes, what excites you). Discuss any difficult situations, no matter how they disturb you, calmly. Who else will teach your child what to do in a difficult situation, no matter how you are?
- Give children the opportunity to make independent decisions and realize their own desires (help is appreciated).
- Show and say regularly that you love your children.
- And remember that the best education is not the “how to” notation, but a personal example. Educate yourself first and foremost.
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