Hello! You are on the channel All or nothing, thanks for reading me! Glad to see you and enjoy reading!
The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
What parents do not bring up in children, but most often obedience and diligence. However, then they themselves become angry at the passivity of their already grown children. It seems that they have invested so much labor, money and knowledge, but they don’t have a desire for something. As a result, there are no achievements and strong motivation. Perhaps it is better not to teach knowledge and diligence, but to kindle strong desires to have something, to achieve something? Then they themselves will turn the mountains.
Children's desires are not whims
Children's desires are often perceived as a kind of whims, an underlying driving force, coming straight from the subconscious, irrational and uncontrollable. Isn't that a whim? “Take it out to her / him and lay it!” - so many adults, parents and teachers imagine “desires” when it comes to children. These whims desires must be limited, curbed and replaced with “useful deeds”.
Remember, probably: “I want to - I will change my mind”, “But you never know what you want!” And so on. When it comes to your desires, then “you want it, and it’s prickling, and your mother doesn’t tell!” Where does all this come from? Why in our country desires were not encouraged and are now not very welcome in raising children?
The word "must" kills initiative
You must admit that for a long time in our country all the activities of an adult were based on the words-concepts “should” (or “this is your Duty” - certainly with a capital letter), “it must be done” or something similar. Education was saturated with these words. Every student heard them dozens, if not hundreds of times a day: in the family from mom-dad-grandparents, and at school - from teachers, on the street - from random people around him.
“Must” supported partly the traditional way, partly the state’s policy: the Fatherland, family-children, the desire to look “decent” in the eyes of neighbors and society.
This society was stable and ... a little conservative. The word "must" greatly limited initiative and following one's desires
Remember (those who are older): “should” almost always sounded like “no.” I would even say how “NO” to your desires and natural childish curiosity to try something new.
The word “should” significantly limited children's experiments, and with it the creative development of children, and initiative as a character trait. In the West, where the priority of “I” was always higher than “society”, there were fewer such restrictions (catastrophically less in recent decades), and the diversity of life was greater. Not all experiments were successful and "correct." It is clear that common sense lies somewhere in between.
We have such experimental children as friendly or evil, depending on the relative acceptability of their undertakings, called “hooligans”, which did not prevent many of them from building a career later. But most importantly, when the Soviet system collapsed, they turned out to be better adapted to a new active life, where experiments are of great value.
Wild west with cowboys
Two or three generations that grew up in new conditions (especially in the 90s) fell under the press of advertising and the “new rules”. Media and advertising formed the understanding that a person’s desires are most important and even as a child he has the right to them in the absolute, to any desires, which, of course, contradicts the desires of other people and leads to endless interpersonal conflicts. It is like the Wild West with cowboys and endless shootouts.
By inertia and in accordance with the cultural background, the family and the school resisted (partly resist now, but much less) that desires become more important for children than the words “must” and “duty”. Let's admit: winning the media is unrealistic. In addition to the media (cinema, television, Internet) computer games were also added. Well, how can parents and teachers beat games? Absolutely nothing!
Today it is practically impossible to raise children using the word “should” - only through common sense and reasoned arguments, and these are long explanations and negotiations, for which most adults do not have time.
Therefore, the upbringing of desires or “management of desires” remains. By and large, there are no other foundations for effective pedagogy today. It so happened.
Spark big desires
The term “desire management” is probably not known to everyone, but it exists and is a very effective educational method. Best of all, it is advertisers who inspire us with “desires” to have or buy something. We buy because we “desire” it. It's no secret that children are particularly susceptible to advertising.
For parents and teachers, this means that instead of forcing and pushing the children to do something (to learn lessons, to do useful housework, and so on), you need to arouse the interest of children in this activity, motivate them to desire it.
Arousing desire is a special art. Children are very motivated when they want something. Children's desires are so strong that they will seek to fulfill them, despite any difficulties. Each of us came across this: “I want a toy! I want to go out! I want to play shooter! I want !!! ”- not necessarily with tantrums.
The forbidden fruit is doubly sweet. Sly parents in my childhood, for example, forbade reading books in the evening, and children read. However, these are small tricks, and professional advertisers draw such an attractive image that it is impossible not to be seduced. For example, they sell tourism as a "journey into a dream." That is why their sky is always cloudless, and the water is turquoise-transparent, and baskets with exotic fruits are already waiting for you right at the most stunning sea-ocean.
In about the same way and with the same colors you need to draw the right desires for your children. If your child likes cars, show him a real racing car at the exhibition. Do you want to work out hard? Take to the Olympic Games or Spartakiad in Krasnoyarsk to feel the spirit of victory. Take future travelers on hikes so that they see the beauty of dawn in the mountains or forests. Show the backstage of the theater to a little actress and a real plane to the future pilot.
Fulfill their desires so that they want it even more, to trembling knees, then they will break through, crawl to their dreams on their teeth, then they will not need to be persuaded to do something, as you often do now.
Spring is the best time to remember your greatest desires and dreams. Help your children see it with their own eyes, at least for a moment. And they themselves will fly to her. Desires are a strong motivator. Coercion is a demotivator. The choice of which method to use is up to you.
Thank you for reading this article, I hope you enjoyed it. Subscribe to the channel, leave comments and come again!