Accepting criticism and writing go hand in hand
In my short writing career, I have often been told that I handle criticism very well. They have even called me mature in how open I am to wanting criticisms and how I face the harsh realities of my writing.
Now, you don’t know me personally, but let me assure you, I wasn’t always like this. As a child, I was labeled oversensitive, who cried at every small thing. It has been a journey but I can promise you this, accepting criticism is a habit that can be cultivated and used to your benefit.
There are a few steps to work at acceptance and it is a muscle that can be strengthen through practice. So before handing your precious writing to a stranger, ask yourself a few questions.
What is your goal? Do you write for yourself or others?
Do you only write for yourself and want to improve as a private writer? There is nothing wrong with using writing as a stress release and pouring your heart in your diary. But that is what it is–a private diary for your thoughts and musings. It is not meant for public consumption.
The thought is similar to painting or singing. If you prefer to be private and never show that masterpiece to anyone but your adoring eyes, then that is perfectly fine. But if you choose to present your work to the world, you must be ready for their love, hate, mockery, and judgement.
Art is the relationship of the art-work and an individual person. Each painting speaks to a person in a way that is so personal that no one else can understand or replace the sentiment. There are very few paintings in the world that speak to a mass in the same way.
Similarly, a book speaks to an individual based on their life’s journey, their needs and wants. An ideal reader is one who will immerse themselves in your world and your writing. They experience the character’s life through your beautiful words. But they are the ideal reader. The average reader on the other hand, will still find it difficult as a reader to overcome one’s own feelings and judge a book for what it is. This is another reason that not everyone can be an editor, or a judge, or a scientist.
The ability to accept writing, data, paintings, songs, or a situation for what it is, rather than what you want it to be, is an art form and involves dampening your own feelings. If you as a receiver of critiques understand this, you can take any criticism with a pinch of salt.
I loved Stephen King’s book ‘On Writing’ and his advice on writing. “The first draft is for you, and the second is for the world.”
Do you ask for criticism and mean it?
Don’t ask for feedback if you are not ready to receive it. Remember the adage–a crawling infant has to walk first before they run?
If you have a critique partner, realize the time and effort it takes for the other person who has agreed to read and review your work. This is equivalent to asking a pediatrician to assess your parenting skills. It is hard on both parties. How can they present this harsh information that might potentially ruin the current relationship.
Do you understand the rules?
Just like mathematics, writing has its own rules. Grammar structures, genre expectations, and recognizing story patterns are a part of learning how to write. For example, a romance novel must have a ‘happily ever after’ or a ‘happy for now’ ending. A fantasy book can’t have main characters named John, or Mike.
Learning about these expectations and writing patterns are likely part of the criticism you get.
Who is your audience?
You might have been the ace English student who was the star of the high school. It may have been the reason that you are a writer. The truth of the matter is, you were the star compared to your peers who don’t want to be writers, or with other students who could not care less about creating a beautifully written essay or poem. The same kudos and praise does not necessarily come to you when you grow up and have the same expectations. Your audience now is not your fawning teachers who want to encourage you. Your readership has changed to all sorts of people who want to take time to read. The previous certificates, awards, and supportive environment, vanishes when you step up as a writer to the masses.
Understanding who your audience is a crucial part of taking your writing to the next level. As the writer, you might craft the best story you can, but that may not sell. Expectations by the readership and how well you have nurtured them and broken the mold can elevate your writing.
Do you understand yourself?
Each writer has their own strengths and weaknesses. Brandon Sanderson is a master at pacing. Isaac Asimov is a master of making difficult concepts, approachable. Ilona Andrews is a master at deep POV. E. L. James is a master at genre writing.
Stephen King is frequently named as the master of horror. In the beginning, critics shunned as a literary nightmare. Even today, after authoring many books and having dozens of movies using his books, people still criticize him. There are dedicated articles decrying his writing style. Do you think he cares? He’s laughing all the way to the bank.
Understanding yourself is key to accepting criticism.
Accepting your strength and knowing your weakness is a chance to improve. It allows you to look at your writing as a fluid, moldable work. Imagine a Mexican wave, and realize how many people it takes to make one successful. For a Mexican wave to be beautiful, the timing is crucial, arms must be lengthened at the right time. Eagerly but not too eagerly. Many strangers and random people must work together. Even for something as small as this, many aspects must work together to be successful.
When you distance yourself from your work, you are more likely to see its flaws and accept others words for what they are.
If it is still difficult for you to let go, the following tips will help in strengthening you in accepting criticism.
Don’t discuss your pet project.
Write your ‘once in a lifetime’ story and keep your most cherished writing away from everyone’s eyes. After that, write a secondary story on a topic that tickles you, or that you love but isn’t your prized work. Give that story away for criticism and hone your techniques from it. After sometime, return to your pet project and self-edit and improve it.
Realize there will always be nay-sayers and negative people.
Inevitably there will always be people who want to be heard. Even if their point is illogical or useless. Typically, such people need to see themselves as an expert and they foster said need by putting down others. Their words speak loudly about themselves rather than your work. Don’t take it personally.
Ask for criticism privately.
Getting criticized in public amongst people you love and respect, is very difficult. The person getting the criticism gets defensive automatically because they do not want to lose face. Unfortunately, nay-sayers are the worst in these situations as they feed off the energies of the people and become louder and more emphatic. The person receiving said criticism feels personally attacked.
If you find it difficult to stand up to such negative people, ask for criticism privately. Even insensitive comments are easier to handle when you can read the email at your own time frame and read it again when your mind is fresh. You can write your angry email response and delete it, and rewrite a mature response on a different day and send that.
After you go through such private cycles, you would have already heard varied things about your writing and will be in a better position to handle public criticisms.
Be selective about who you want criticism from.
Do you respect the person who is criticizing you? Choose the people who nurture your writing carefully. If you have a personality that constantly needs re-assuring, then choose positive people who can help you through difficult and trying times in your work. But realize that they will always be supportive, even if your work is shoddy.
If you want realistic criticism, then ask people who have that personality–straight shooters. People who will tell you about things as they are, without rose-colored glasses, but may be kind.
If you truly want to know how the masses might react, then ask for criticism from the masses. Be forewarned, they might hate your work. But then… you asked for it.
Each person’s view on your writing is an opinion. These opinions are valid to them, because it comes from their perspective that is laced with their history, their knowledge of the world and its history, and their personal writings, and perspectives. Note that I didn’t say that these opinions are the truth. Because they are not. That person’s perspective and opinion is theirs, but it may not be valid for you. This is even more relevant when people of color and their writing is criticized by others who are judging the work through their narrow world view.
Ultimately, have confidence in yourself and know how to parse through the barrage of criticisms and be selective about which nuggets are gold and, which are fool’s gold.