Questions about where a woman's place - in the family or at work, who she is-a housewife or a business woman safely resolved. Our today's heroine column Mom of the Week knows what her calling. Feminine, wise, caring fairy home, gentle wife and mother of two adorable children Natalia Pozdnyakova, author of the blog about intentional motherhood POZDNYAKOVA.ORG will open your eyes to how to be happy in the family.
Blogs Mom (Olga): Good afternoon, Natalia! Dramatic actress, fencing with two-handed swords and soft wife, mother, housewife in a Patriarchal family, dreaming of five children. How did this transformation, the change of polar poles "Amazon – Dove"?
Natalia: Good afternoon! I really once preferred the image of "Amazon". Until he crashed with the birth of his first child…
Even when I was pregnant, I began to think that something in my life is not right. That I'm tired of taking it on myself. That I am not satisfied with the passive position of the spouse. That I'm tired of driving, that I want to feel like a woman.
After the birth, the situation worsened. I was morally unprepared for the fact that the baby will hang on me around the clock. Not ready for lack of privacy and bad sleep. I wanted to live as before, to be free and independent ... growing dissatisfaction with her husband, dissatisfaction with myself, I plunged into postpartum depression…
However, by a lucky chance I came across Olga Valyaeva's articles. Started to participate in marathons, and then listen to lectures of her teachers: Alexander Khakimov, Oleg Torsunov, Marina Talakawas... Beginning to reveal their femininity, to learn to be softer, to take care of yourself, love yourself. It helped me get out of depression and into motherhood.
More than three years have passed since then, but my transformation continues. In three years, our lives have changed dramatically. I really like these changes. And the most amazing thing-my husband has changed dramatically…
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Olga: for many women, the painful moment is the adoption of the role of housewife. In the eyes of society this role has a reflection of parasitism. It is plastered with labels and stereotypes about a degraded aunt in a dressing gown. What does being a housewife mean to you? Is it possible to say that the image of a housewife of a new sample is now being formed?
Natalia: there are different ways to be a Housewife. And this role is not suitable for every woman. Someone will really degrade. And someone-on the contrary, will find here more opportunities for development.
Definitely, a housewife should have some hobby, some interests and desire to develop. If you do not go to work, you have much more opportunities for learning, you can read more, listen to lectures, attend training events, do yourself.
If everything is organized correctly-all family members benefit from it. Including, the husband who is met at home by the beautiful and quiet wife. Personally, I don't see how, after a full day's work, you can take care of yourself, your husband, your children, and even cook a meal... Not to mention other household chores. You have to have tremendous energy. Otherwise, relatives get an unhappy wife and mother, ready to care and give love... and a nervous tired woman.
Definitely, there are different situations. Sometimes the family is tied to loans, huge rents, etc. But in many cases a woman can afford not to work. Yes, the family will not go once again on vacation, or will buy things easier. But in my opinion, it is not so important.
About parasitism - this label may be justified. If a woman has children spend all day in kindergartens and schools, and the woman spends her time on the couch with the TV series. Yes, and then grumbles at her husband, runs his appearance, not trying to make everyone in the family happier.
But there is also the opposite image — such a woman is actively working on their qualities, learning to be a good wife and mother, reads a lot, engaged in their Hobbies. At the same time the day has time not only to cook a good dinner, but also to take care of yourself, relax. Such a woman meets her husband from work calm and radiant. And even if the husband is angry and tired, there will be no scandal. After all, a woman knows how to mitigate the state of the spouse. She is full forces, it enough patience and love.
Definitely, a housewife should have some hobby, some interests and desire to develop
Olga: many articles in the blog are related to natural and conscious motherhood. Many people equate natural and conscious motherhood. What do these concepts mean to you?
Natalia: for me, these concepts are not equal. Natural motherhood is just a method. It does not affect the internal development of a young mother, does not affect education without punishment, misses a lot of areas... In addition, education on "natural parenthood" does not always imply awareness. Sometimes it is chosen simply out of a desire to follow fashion. Or the desire to go against grandmothers…
Conscious parenthood is when we've learned the ropes and made a decision. When we are ready to take responsibility for the upbringing of children themselves. When we study not only slings and breast-feeding to self-weaning, but also stages of development of kids, their needs, crises... When we learn to work with the emotions not to break on children and to communicate without "carrot and stick". Conscious parenthood is about working on yourself, not just following some external rules.
Personally, I do not follow the principles of "natural parenthood" 100%. For example, even after studying the book "Life without diapers", I still decided to a certain age of the child regularly use diapers. I wasn't ready to drop the baby off at birth. I can also add about long breastfeeding: if after 2-3 years I begin to strain breastfeeding, I will begin to complete it without remorse. At the moment the youngest son a year and a half and I don't want to promise about the duration of our guards.
Olga: in one of the articles there was an interesting idea about the connection between resistance to reality and fatigue in mothers. What energizes you when you're tired? Are there any secrets of emergency assistance in replenishing the resource?
Natalia: I try not to reach the need for emergency assistance. The best remedy for fatigue — daily prevention of fatigue. But if I suddenly feel that I am completely exhausted ... I Sit down to watch romantic movies. I give my son a breast for every squeak. I don't play cartoons for kids. But in emergency cases, I include myself some beautiful film.
Conscious parenthood is about working on yourself, not just following some external rules
Olga: Many young mothers are captured by the idea of early development of children. How does this idea penetrate into your system of education? What are the secrets of having fun games?
Natalia: I am of the opinion that children do not need to be taught anything until they are 5 years old. No need to develop in any way. You have to play with them and give them as much of your warmth as possible. Learn all the necessary baby still have time. And age until 5 years-this development through game.
Of course, if the child really likes to play with letters — why not? But if the letters do not cause delight — you can postpone them to 5-6 years. My daughter and I are engaged in a certain program (there is not so much early development as the study of the world). And all tasks are performed without fanaticism. Without result orientation. Like-do. No-skip. We're not in school, we're just playing and having fun.
Olga: as Far as I understand, you refused to send your children to kindergarten, but what about school? Do you think with your husband about the family education of children?
Natalia: Yes, we are thinking about family education. We still have three years to study this topic. I have already started to listen to lectures on family education, go to festivals, read books, communicate with people... I understand that such education is a very difficult path. In three years we will make a decision. Perhaps it will not be completely distance learning, and classes in the" family club " 1-2 times a week. Or fully "full-time" school, but Waldorf…
Olga: How would you describe your ideal day today?
Natalia: Hmm... to Me almost every day seems perfect 🙂 it Usually happens like this... get Up at 5-5:30 to 6:30 is my time for prayer and bathing. This is a mandatory mood for the day.
At 6: 30 I go to cook Breakfast, the children get up, the husband is going to work... at 7: 30 we see off the spouse, we direct cleanliness. Probably cooking dinner.
Approximately from 9 to 9: 30-classes with the eldest daughter. These are stories about saints, games or some experiments. Sometimes it lasts up to 10. If have a free time include yourself of the lecture and playing with my son in the constructor.
At 10-10:15 the son falls asleep. And while he sleeps, my daughter and I read, draw or make something.
At 11:30 the son wakes up-we go to dinner. After lunch the mood of children either playing or I listen to lectures, write posts, etc.