Translating my author’s belief that a love quarrel is a direct consequence of a violation of the ten unwritten love commandments given above, ten signs-characteristics of love relationships, into direct examples, I want to say the following: Love quarrels arise when one of the partners (or both at once!):
- under various pretexts, for a long time evades personal meetings;
- shows the evilest traits of his character, especially selfishness;
- refuses to “adapt” to the character of his loved one, stubbornly does not want to redraw his schedule and, in general, the rhythm of his life to the schedule and rhythm of his partner’s life;
- never submits to his partner in anything (and in the end, it starts to hurt his (her) self-esteem !!!);
- manifests its intolerance about individual acts, phrases, behaviors, thinking, and character of another person;
- poorly cares about his loved one, does not fulfill his (her) requests and instructions, skimp on some kind of material expenses for his partner;
- for a long time refuses to establish sexual relations or enters into them in the form and in the schedule, which completely does not suit the second half;
- He does not demonstrate his desire to be with his partner as long as possible, avoids any talk about joint children and family formation. Periodically emphasizes that these relations are only temporary (And this, oh, what a shame to hear !!!);
- -in every possible way pretends that temporary (of various durations) interruptions in communication with him (her) are completely indifferent. A person may not make calls for a long time, “get lost,” not show a tendency to put up after quarrels, show that he doesn’t care whether they will continue to communicate, or leave forever;
- either torments his partner with excessive and completely unreasonable jealousy or behaves so coolly - “do not care” in this matter that another partner has to periodically heat his (her) with demonstratively scandalous behavior.
What do you think: is this true? It seems to me that it matches ...
With the identification of the discrepancy between the partners for each of one of the ten main signs, characteristics of love relationships, we have already figured out. Now is the time to clarify the meaning of another fragment of my definition of a quarrel: “A love quarrel is both the result of the identification and the process of identification, as well as the process of eliminating the discrepancy ...”. What does it mean - “at the same time the result of the identification and the process of identification, as well as the process of elimination”? Type "three in one" and all that?
I answer: Yes, “three in one”! And I suggest you think about this.
In those cases (you must admit: these are very frequent cases!) When you and your relationship partner do not understand why you are quarreling, it means that your unconscious is quarreling for you - the very ancient parts of your brain (arising even before the formation in humans of the cortex of the cerebral hemispheres of the brain, in which our consciousness actually lives), which you do not control, but which at the same time have an effect on you. So, this is the most unconscious, of which we will speak more than once in this book and on which Mother Nature has assigned all the functions of controlling how we reproduce and reproduce - it arose so long ago that at that time there was no reason, no logical thinking.
That is, in the conditions of a dense primitive life, our ancestors - any anthropoid monkeys, Cercopithecus or Australopithecus there - could not yet make any personal or deeply intimate decisions based on a reasonable or balanced analysis. They could not for the simple reason that many millions of years ago they did not have this mind and this logic (and all animals still do not have it now!). But making these decisions was not just necessary, but oh, as it should! Otherwise, in what way, being in one very conflicting flock, would some male be sure that this female was only him, and some female would know that her chosen partner would regularly carry food for her children and herself?
The lack of consciousness, logic, and the ability to comprehend a love situation at the level of words and concepts at that time, far from us, reminds us as if you were given some task to measure something, but you didn’t get any tools at all. Imagine that you are a certain engineer who was instructed to check the presence of electric voltage in the network. Or a cartographer who was instructed to put a certain road on the map, indicating its length and the angles of all its turns. So you have to dodge ... Checking the voltage, you will be forced to periodically poke a wire with a stick and arrange a short circuit. Measuring the road, you will do it in steps, and instead of transport and goniometers use your elbows. In general, use your NATURAL capabilities!