Hello! You are on my channel about what surrounds us, thank you for what you read it! Every positive comment will warm my heart.
The article is subjective and expresses the personal opinion of the author.
“Why?”
It’s hard to believe that three letters and a question mark can hold so much power. It took most of my teens and twenties for me to realize just how potent that single word really is. In order for the light bulb to flicker on above my head I first had to fight through a slew of disappointing jobs, misguided relationships, and empty liquor bottles.
“Why?” is powerful because it makes us aware of our choices.
Suddenly we’re not just floating along, reacting to various stimuli in our environment. Instead, we stop to think before taking action.
“Why?” forces us to examine our motivations and, through this examination, we can consciously choose to create situations or respond to those that have already arisen.
It is a relief discovering that we do not have to dance to the tunes of others, that our strings truly belong to us alone. With the relief comes discomfort, however.
“Why?” so easily gives rise to a dozen other questions, and in the process of studying our motivations, we may discover that they are not as pure as we had hoped. They may even run contrary to what we thought we held dear in life.
As uncomfortable as self-examination can be, the payoff is worth it.
By simply asking ourselves “why?”, we can start to unearth what is truly important to us, our defining attributes. These are our core values, and identifying them is one of the most crucial steps we can take to ensure that our existence is fruitful and fulfilling.
So, how do we identify our core values? Asking ourselves “why?” is a great place to start.
By examining why we take the actions that we take, we begin to determine whether our day-to-day decisions are in line with our ideals. If our motivations somehow seem wrong, then it is likely that something we are doing is in conflict with one of these prime concepts.
All the Wrong Reasons
A few years ago I was hired to work in an office. On the surface, this seemed like a great prospect. I would be completing tasks that directly supported several local underprivileged communities. I would also be gaining valuable new skills and there was room for advancement. All and all, I was eager to get started.
As the months passed by, I discovered that the office hid several dark secrets beneath its charitable veneer. The employees were encouraged to compete with one another, rather than working together, the upper management constantly insulted each other behind closed doors, and when a problem inevitably arose the greatest concern was who would take the blame.
After nearly two years of this I was miserable. I eventually cracked under the stress and resigned without another job lined up. It was my first professional position and I didn’t know what to do, where I had gone wrong, and I was very concerned that my former office represented how the entire business world functioned.
As I geared up to start looking for another job, I decided to first take a step back and ask myself “why?”
Why did I take the position?
Much to my disappointment, I realized that I had primarily taken the job because I needed money. I had recently moved back to California and required the income in order to stay in the city. By that time I had given up on my dream to become a musical theatre performer, so I was looking for anything I could support myself with that didn’t involve waiting tables (which I’d unhappily been doing for the preceding several years.)
Why did I stay when I was clearly so unhappy?
Perhaps worse, I had remained in the position out of fear. Fear that I didn’t have enough experience or skill to find a job elsewhere. Fear that if I left I wouldn’t be able to pay my rent or car payment and have to scurry back to the Midwest in shame. Fear that I would fail yet again.
Why was the environment so unbearable?
I was determined to prove my fears wrong when seeking out my next employer. My previous experience, while negative, turned out to be a great resource for determining what I wanted from my career and work environment.
After what had occurred, I knew that I wanted to work with a leadership team who encouraged teamwork, empathy, and collaboration. I wanted co-workers who took an interest in one another’s success, rather than lying and cheating in order to tear everyone else down and ‘get ahead’.
I took this thought process a step further and started to examine some of the other choices I had made in my life, asking myself why I had taken the paths I had taken. Through this, I was able to identify several prime concepts that were important to me, but that I had not necessarily been living in harmony with, such as loyalty, community, expression, passion and equality.
With this in mind, I went on to find work at a startup that shared many of the core values that I had identified. I learned that I did, in fact, have several useful skills, and while there I was able to add a few new ones to my list, in addition to capturing a clearer picture of what I was looking for in my career and personal life.
Start with “Why”
Don’t wait around like I did, shackling yourself to a highly toxic environment until you finally hit your breaking point. Don’t ignore the little voice of discontent. Instead, stop and ask yourself “why?”
Once you have some honest answers to that question, break your motivations down even further into succinct concepts. From there, ask yourself whether these concepts fit with what you want and value in life. If they do not, examine what about the concepts violates your sense of what is right. This should point you towards your core values.
If the “why” approach isn’t quite getting you all the way there, I would recommend taking to Google and searching for a list of values. Read through them and see which words stick with you the most, then try and narrow your selection down to the four or five values that you consider the most important to uphold.
Write out your core values and place the list somewhere where you will see them every day.
As you go to make decisions, stop and ask yourself two questions:
“Why?” and “Is this action in line with my core values?”
If the answer is no, you may need to reconsider your course of action or dig a little deeper into what you truly prize in life.
In my next post, I will discuss how you can use your core values to help identify a life philosophy, a critical element that many of us don’t realize we are missing from our lives.
If you like my little story, then support me and subscribe to the channel, leave your comment and come again. I'll wait! Thank you for your time!