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The skill that will make you a better leader and friend.
We’ve all had conversations where it was clear the other person wasn’t listening to what a word we were saying.
On the flip side, I’d guess we are all guilty of applying the “smile and nod” technique to humor someone else’s speech at least once or twice in our lives. They’re speaking. We’re smiling and nodding to show we are paying attention. Meanwhile, our mind is far away, focusing on the challenges of our day.
Thanks to our phones and the internet, we are more connected to one another than ever before. We can have a conversation with almost anyone with a few clicks of a button, yet many people feel an increasing sense of isolation.
Why is this?
With the rise of social media influencers and self-help books, we are being conditioned more and more to focus on ourselves. Our problems, our goals, our family, our lives. When other people enter the picture, it’s not about how we can help them, but what they can do for us.
We’re talking to others, but we’re not really listening.
If we want to form genuine connections, we can’t simply humor what others are saying. We have to value their words and respond to them.
Listening, like any other skill is not going to immediately come easily to us. It takes time and practice to develop. But, to create and maintain meaningful relationships, it is crucial.
Here are three valuable exercises to get us started.
1. Don’t just wait until it’s your turn to speak.
A conversation cannot be all about us. It’s easy to get carried away, especially if the topic is compelling. But, rather than viewing the discussion as an opportunity to show how informed we are and receive attention, acknowledge it as the learning opportunity it is.
If you’re speaking to a friend, it is a chance to uncover more about them. If you are speaking to a co-worker or employee, this is an opportunity to collaborate, to polish each other’s ideas and grow the business.
2. Dig deeper by expressing genuine interest.
Rather than waiting for the other person to finish speaking so that you can have your turn, engage with them. Explore their opinions by asking questions. Empathize with their situation.
The entire point of speech is communication, connection, and growth. We encourage this through active listening, smart questions, and thoughtful responses.
3. Let others express their viewpoints first.
This is especially crucial if you are a leader attempting to tackle a project or solve a problem with your team. Present the scenario and then let others weigh in before reaching a conclusion.
If you start out by expressing your take and then asking for opinions on it, you will miss out on the team’s ideas. Among these ideas might have been a better alternative to your own, but they weren’t pondering possible solutions to the problem, only how well your’s would work.
By letting everyone else speak first, you ensure that they feel invested. You are then able to form and offer a much more educated viewpoint now that you’ve examined the situation from many angles.
Key Takeaways
Active listening enables us to learn about others, ourselves, and form more well-rounded opinions. This leads to stronger relationships and more fruitful collaborations, key components of a healthy life, both in work and play.
The skill takes time and effort to develop. But, if we pay attention, express interest, and wait to speak last, we will be well on our to building stronger and more fulfilling connections.
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