Guy in the Washroom: What the hell are you doing?
Fletcher: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind? (This one is my favourite - the way he said it and the punchline itself)
Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.
Bum: Got any spare change?
Fletcher: Absolutely!
Bum: Could ya spare some?
Fletcher: Yes I could!
Bum: Will ya?
Fletcher: HMM-MMM!
Bum: How come?
Fletcher: Because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH!
Greta: [after bailing Fletcher out of jail] Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet because I can circle the block.
Fletcher: Your honor, I object!
Judge: Why?
Fletcher: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge: Overruled.
Fletcher: Good call!
