A woman who has survived a divorce or separation is, of course, under the impression of strong emotions. For someone it is a surprise, for someone, on the contrary, a fait accompli, of which even suspected. And in case the dot has been set for a long time, often in the direction of the ex-lover is still stretched a loop of feelings.
Often it is indignation ("How could he do this!"), often hatred ("You ruined my whole life!"), often jealousy ("How could you trade me for this one?") and very often greed ("Well, now you will pay me in full!"). All people are emotional and in the midst of post-love proceedings can say a lot of things hot: a lot of strings of the soul and heart are hurt. And of course, to experience and discuss this with close friends is an understandable and understandable process of healing heart wounds. But everything is good in moderation.
Very often a girl can not stop and continues to tell everyone on the sidelines about what a scoundrel was her former faithful and how he treated her badly. Even when a new relationship looms on the horizon and she meets another man, for some reason she feels compelled to tell him how "everything really happened.
If you do the same thing, you make a huge mistake, and that's why:
1. The man, along with her story, receives "instructions on how to use this girl". If a girl tells us that her ex-boyfriend cheated on her, did not respect her, did not give her any money and did not spend the night at home, then she shows what level of relationship she had. And that she agreed to this level. If he cheated on her from time to time and she stayed in the relationship with him, it means that, in general, she agrees to tolerate cheating and this will not be the reason for breaking the relationship. And therefore, it is possible to walk. If she says that her ex didn't give her money and she did everything on her own - fine! He hears from her own lips that the girl is accustomed to provide for herself and pull all her problems. So he shouldn't strain himself either.
Imagine that you buy a used car and choose between two options. The owner of one car - very much loved her, filled only the best gasoline, polished, washed regularly, it stood in a heated garage and on time to pass the maintenance. Buying this car, you will also take care of it and keep an eye on it. At least at first. But if the owner of the car tells you that he smoked in it, so the seats are slightly burned, carrying construction waste in it, and sometimes workers slept in it, then you will treat this car the same way he did. Not to mention the fact that you obviously prefer to buy the first one. Remember, never tell your new man how you were treated by your ex if you don't want him to repeat his behavior.
2) You can scare away a good man with these stories. If you show that you had this quality of relationship, then you show the standard of your perceptions. That is, for you it is the norm. But there is a good chance that this man, to whom you talk so enthusiastically about it, has a completely different standard of quality relationship in his head. And if you tell us that you have been cheated, given no money, deceived, and also beaten up sometimes, then your stories seem to be wild and far from him. He listens to them like a game, which has nothing to do with his ideas. Like a crazy Brazilian series about the inhabitants of poor neighborhoods. They scream and scandal and dance at funerals. He looked, was surprised, smiled and forgotten. He does not have in his head to start treating you the same way as your ex, but only because he is basically another person, of a different level and with other, more qualitative, values and values. So, of course, he will listen, perhaps even sympathize, but as a woman he will not wake up his interest in you.
A woman who tells bad things, gossip and nasty details of someone else's biography is unpleasant in itself. Such people, in principle, scare away and turn away from themselves. If you're beautiful, smart, wonderful, then why do you take out the rubbish from the house and tell the story that except you two and nobody needs to know? In addition, everyone understands that telling such stories, people often exaggerate. Telling such stories, a girl usually shows herself in a wonderful light - she's smart, and beautiful, and tried, and working, and he is, of course, a total jerk.
But listening from the outside, I can't believe it. All adults know that both are to blame for the breakup of the relationship, and when a woman carefully whitens herself and denigrates the former, she only causes unpleasant feelings to herself. Besides, the question arises: if your ex-wife was so bad, how did you, so beautiful and smart, contacted him? "You're probably two pair of boots," thinks anybody who listens to such revelations. And certainly any man can already imagine how you will tell the same thing about him if you break up. And he has a natural desire to escape right now, before it's too late.
The best thing you can say about why you broke up is something like, "It happened. He was a great man, but it just didn't work out.
Remember! Attract smiling, pleasant in communication, kind, gentle and gentle creatures. Attract women who look at the world with optimism, who are ready to forgive and understand. When you look at a happy person - you want to be near him, because it seems that in this atmosphere you will become as happy. Forget the old, look forward and don't remember (at least aloud) the bad things.