Being at night in a mental trance, I imagined how most people daily changed their minds as if the wind was changing its direction of flow.
Not finding anything in common with each person, I told all my important knowledge to my fictional listeners, it seemed to me that I was standing on a large stage and seeing how I made full-fledged interlocutors from disinterested listeners. On the fly, they picked up my thoughts and asked me questions, thereby showing interest in me. There was excitement. I wanted more communication ...
Once having felt the edge of a nervous breakdown, I wanted to express my anger to someone, to speak out and to hear something in return. It was hoped that this could be easier. But everyone seemed to turn away from me at that moment, even my faithful interlocutors. There was no one. Loneliness in all its manifestation.
The excitement for communication encouraged me to learn something new, useful and interesting. There was a feeling of lightness and comfort, a scattered attitude towards life passed me by, there was interest. Having found such an interlocutor, I could not believe that this happens. Tales of nightly conversations and endless stories turned into a reality, no one bothered anyone after such long and sometimes tiring stories. I also wanted to, as if it were a new synthetic drug.
Sitting at midnight in front of the monitor and displaying my thoughts on the white sheet of the monitor, I wonder:
- Does anyone need to see this in the future, will anyone understand me? How strange will I seem when I talk about affection for my interlocutor? After all, this is a new kind of affection for me, I see nothing in the interlocutor except communication, it is like an endless book in the most pleasant binding, which makes my fingers go numb from touching this book. This is not loving and not animal fidelity. This is an addiction. Communication is a drug. A good interlocutor is a dealer.
I am a drug addict.
Somehow, in an instant, I began to notice the beauty in the ordinary, it seemed to me to be cloying all that people thought for sophistication and fashion, it was too much, I felt pressure and it depressed me. It was depressing to see people from templates and conveyors, cover girls and manikin guys. I wanted simplicity. Not any luxury in houses and cottages, I wanted a carpet on the wall, I did not want to talk with people whose heads were clogged with other people's thoughts in the form of quotes, I wanted to hear a clumsy accent and speech defects, I wanted to look not in empty eyes, but in eyes of emotions, let it be fear and joy, hatred and happiness. I wanted a genuine feeling. Alas, there are few. Arriving home and standing at a party sitting on the veranda with a mug of black coffee and a cigarette of my interlocutor, I decided to discuss with him the topic of imposed rules and morals. He supported this idea and sitting at dinner we leisurely developed our conversation. I saw in him a bunch of emotions, many gestures, and contagious excitement. His mastery of the speech of an elephant introduced me into a trance and I forgot about my troubles, time passed slowly ...
By late evening, our conversation was beginning to fade away and I felt that the interlocutor was losing interest ... I felt uneasy, because ... so many topics, so much time brought us closer, Looking in his eyes I began to feel the excitement, but not fear, something positive. I thought he was up to something. My assumptions were correct. Sobesednik completed his mission, and I turned out to be the goal. His task is to convey to people who have not yet completely lost their composure and goals that the essence remains for people, and not the terms imposed on us. He did this to me.
We humans are not someone’s likeness, should not correspond to our idols, each of us is an individual person. Alas, people remember the old generation, which is becoming smaller, and the new generation is just a copy, but the carbon copy under which they were stamped will soon be wiped off and everything that is being copied will be drawn by the hands of each of us personally, or by anyone else. So right and so it should be.
Having finished my writing, I want to thank my interlocutor that he spent a lot of time on me, he made me understand the whole essence of his personality. I am sure that now my interlocutor has a worthy goal and he will fulfill it, a new worthy person will appear who will be as individual as Cody made me. There should be more real ones.
Everything must be real ...
I wanted to dedicate my story to Cody Lunin. The most talented person in my life. He opened my eyes and gave me a bunch of new ideas and thoughts.
Thanks, bye