Years ago, at an international family issues seminar held at a hotel in Fengtai District, Beijing, I was fortunate to meet Ms. Kawagoe Sho, the director of the Tokyo Institute of Family Education in Japan. We didn't know each other before, because we were peers, we saw it as it was.
Japanese parents educate their children: “Do your own thing, don't bother others.”
I asked her how Japanese parents cultivate their children's self-reliance. She said that when the child is very young, the parents instill a kind of thought in their children: “Do your own thing, don't bother others.” Moreover, this ideology is constantly strengthened in the daily life of the family.
A friend of mine returned from studying in Japan and introduced me to the situation she saw in Japan.
When traveling by train or ship in Japan, it is often found that children who follow their parents to travel, regardless of age, including children who have just learned to walk, each carrying a small backpack without exception. The backpack contains the daily necessities used by children, such as towels, toothbrushes, toothpaste, drinking glasses, handkerchiefs, napkins, and so on. In fact, these daily necessities, parents can do it for themselves, and can not increase the burden, do not need to carry the child himself. Why do Japanese parents want their children to carry their own?
My friend is very curious, just ask the parents of the child why. They said: “This is their own thing, and they should be carried by themselves. In order to let the children know how to do their own things and not to trouble others.” Friends listened, very admired. The good intentions of Japanese parents.
In contrast to China, the situation is very different.
We often see that when a family goes out to travel, the children's daily necessities are carried and squatted by their parents. The children are empty-handed, walking in front of them, eating, drinking, and playing.
After going to elementary school, the children's schoolbags are not their own backs, but by their parents, even by their elderly grandfather and grandmother as “book boys.” At the time of school, the parents carried the schoolbags to the school gates; when they were out of school, they were taken home by the parents, every day. Not only do children become accustomed to it, but parents also feel that they should be right.
Even the children admitted to the university are enrolled in the school. The parents are like "footmen", and the shoulder bag is carried to the school. When I arrived at the school, I was still inquired by my parents, and I was busy with the process of registering and paying for the children. Parents gave them the dormitory, made the bed, and placed the luggage. They were so busy and tired. Sweating. So what are their children doing? It is unbelievable for foreigners to see such a situation; it is commonplace in China.
Comparing the two, we can easily see that some of our parents in China are too lacking in education.
“My own things are backed by myself,” even if it is symbolic.
It doesn't seem to be enough for the child's things to be backed up. actually not. “Own things are backed by oneself,” even if it is symbolic, it is very beneficial to develop the child's self-reliance, self-reliance, self-awareness and ability. It is hard to imagine that a person who cannot even take care of himself will have the confidence and courage of life and will have a sense of responsibility to the family, others and society. And this character must be cultivated from an early age; the formation of this character must start from little things.
The child’s things are carried by the parents, not the problem of increasing the burden, but the question of self-supporting the child in daily life. Children will one day leave their parents, family, live independently and survive. Without such awareness and ability, there will be difficulties in life, suffering from all kinds of hardships, and even losing confidence in life.
It is because of the lack of self-care ability to bury a beautiful future.
A college student in a certain place was especially smart when he was a child. He went to elementary school when he was five years old. He skipped the grade when he was in elementary school. He entered the university before he graduated from high school. He just graduated from college when he was 19 years old. Then, I took the master's degree from the school with excellent results. The school thought that he was a very promising student and decided to send him to study abroad.
It should be said that from primary school to university, his life path is smooth. Ordinary young students, if they encounter such an opportunity to study abroad, will be very happy. But the graduate student heard the news, but it caused tremendous psychological pressure: I went to the sea by myself, went to a foreign country to study, and stayed away from my parents and family. Who will take care of my life?
Why is there such a big psychological pressure? Because he is the only child, he has lived a life of “clothing to reach out and rice to open his mouth” since he was a child.