You and your boyfriend broke up. You cried in bed for a week, went on a binge with your friends for two, went to therapy after a month of depression. Three months spent in intensive work on yourself, beginning to smile, and even to accept the invitation for coffee.
But, as if by Murphy's law: only in your life start getting better – appears on the verge of IT, your ex. Gives flowers, says compliments and requests give him the second chance.
I understand, you're a girl. It's hard for you to resist the temptation to turn things around. In such moments you both speaking your wounded ego and Royal manners: “yeah, I realized what I treasure. Now certainly will value and on the hands of wear. I'll forgive him and we'll live happily ever after."
My dear, take off those rose-colored glasses and throw them away before the man breaks them again. Now I'll tell you exactly why he wants to come back to you. And trust me, you're gonna take a new look at your ex-boyfriend's behavior.
Why does he want to come back?
1. You're comfortable. You lovingly cooked him dinners of three different dishes and collected bouquets of socks. But at some point he turned on the male mode, decided to try his hand on the side. And miscalculated. It turned out that finding a bed warmer and staff is not so easy. It turned out, that need and in return something to lend.
So he decided, " I'm Going back to my ex. The brain can not stand, sex does not refuse, and pines for me since the tenth grade.” You don't need to tense: called, stunted bunch gave – and all that you have accepted him with open arms.
2. Match-revenge. My dear, let's be honest: if a guy leaves you-you awaken pride. You want to let him know who he's lost. So right after the breakup, you throw away your favorite worn-out sneakers, buy stilettos, renew your gym membership, and persistently move up the career ladder. Right, good, this motivation gives you the strength to live on.
And now look what happens: he sees your cool pictures in social networks, he is told about you by mutual friends – and he becomes interested in what happened to you during this time? As from gray mouse you has turned into a lioness?
And he's coming back to you for sport. And while you think that the former is bored and longingly reviewing your joint pictures – he builds evil plans of revenge. To get your self-esteem back on the skirting Board.
3. Hunt failed. The guy left to find himself “someone better”, and it turned out that no one needed him. Especially if masculine qualities he has not even slept. He wasn't Brad pitt, either; he was lazy, fat, and bald.
But you loved him like that! And now it's important for him to assert himself at your expense, to feel like a man again. And believe me, he's going to give you hell. Will retaliate for their illusions and destroyed dreams. If the thought knocks on your head: "Come here, poor, I'll regret it" - drive it away.
4. You're different. Was the dumpling, over which all laughed, and became fitnesa. Started a blog, started posting great pictures from travel. Threw a dull job in the office and plunged into creativity! And succeeded! Because there was no irritant nearby that told " Yes, you will not succeed. No knowledge, no experience, no education. Sit better paper shift”.
In General, your life has changed dramatically – and then a surprise! There's an ex scratching at your door. Who is looking for a free house and a feeder, and you, naive, believe in his fairy tales about love.
5. He wants to start over. And there are several reasons:
• Former really wised up, shook the sand out of the brain and realized that such a cool girl he doesn't find. The odds of that being your case are one in a hundred. No good deed goes unpunished.
For him, your relationship is like a childhood memory. A man seems, that if now all start first – again will drive and a powerful emotional weapon.
In the end, he will drink the energy out of you and go back into the sunset.
You've become unavailable. You don't ask mutual friends if your ex-boyfriend thinks about you, you don't screw him a hundred times a day. You block him on social media, and you cross the street when you see an ex-boyfriend. And he wants to regain control, to be the master of the situation. And the exit one: build bridges and again offer meet.
What happens if you say Yes?
My dear, don't rush into his arms and squeal with delight. That's a suspiciously easy win, don't you think? Slow down for a minute and try to figure out whether your ex-boyfriend loves you or you're just a task for him with an asterisk. Decided, turned the page and moved on. And you have depression again, a broken heart and a whole bunch of complexes. You want it?
Another betrayal
You can give him a second, fifth, and tenth chance. But if he betrayed you once, he'll do it again. So if your intuition just screams " Fool, don't do anything stupid” – listen to it. Don't rush back to let him into your heart and your bed, find out why he came back? First of all, why did you break up? There can be many options:
He found another.
* Wasn't ready for responsibility.
He didn't think you were good enough for him.
* Listened to his mother and so on.
Now just ask yourself, won't it happen again? What had changed in him? If he didn't want to get married yesterday, I don't think he'll come crawling back to you tomorrow with a ring in his mouth. A man who can not resist and not look under someone else's skirt, will not become an exemplary family man. There are no miracles. And then you will complain “" but where my eyes looked?”
You know, my dear, women love to cling to the past. Idealize exes and set the bar high for other men who come into their lives. Only you see the problem: we can't stand to be compared to someone else. And until you work through your past relationships, you're gonna have a hard time in the future. Throw out his speech and the head of the phrase:
But Petya and I always went to the theater on Sundays.
* You don't understand me. But Vasya was such a delicate nature.
Well, coming back to you this Peter or Bob. Do you think that would make you happier? Relationships don't just fall apart. Means, they were wrong, defective, not resource. And just exhausted themselves.
Waste of time
If you're just afraid to be alone, sorry or she imposed on the guy-your relationship is doomed. No need to build castles in the air. Don't expect it to be any different this time and you'll reform him. This scheme does not work. You're just wasting your time.
He's taking someone's place.
As long as you live in the past, no decent man will come into your life. Even if you want it, subconsciously you put a block, do not let it.
It's like walking in front of a window with expensive dresses, dreaming about them, but you walk in old jeans. Because I'm used to it. Because you think that something expensive and beautiful is for the celestials, not for you.
You don't change
If you cling to that relationship, you're holding back. You settle for less than you deserve. There's a whole world in front of you, and you're standing in front of an open door.
Honey, if you're not ready to let go of a confusing and traumatic relationship, the problem isn't the ex, it's you. So, you do not work on yourself, close your eyes to your problems and complexes. And I have bad news for you: you're scaring off decent men.