Evening. Room. Girl. Wine. She lies on the bed and looks at the ceiling. Mindlessly lying next volume Brodsky. Another Netflix series plays in the background.
- No, well, that's totally unfair. Am I ugly? Beautiful. Not smart enough? So there is no, these nature, too, not deprived. Then why am I still single?
Friend from school and the Institute have long made the personal life, successfully jumped married and had solid adds weight, but look quite happily. There is and a man, and the good work, on world travel times three in year, like and loved. Stories your vanilla spread envious look.
And here she lay in her room, drinking wine and grieving that life was unfair to her. Which doesn't send a Prince in her last year's carriage. And a bottle of wine slowly emptied. into her beautiful, intelligent, and gradually her head the thought creeps in: “Will turn for happiness and the perfect relationship somewhere else?”
Recognize yourself in this beautiful but sad and lonely girl? Do you want to understand why this is happening? If "Yes", please put the rest of your super important things aside and concentrate on the letters as much as possible.
Let's assume that you were lucky and you came under the "festive distribution of psychological insights" from Yaroslav Samoilov. First, I want to reassure you – you're not alone and that's fine. Often women suffer from the fact that they do not value themselves. Well as suffer? On the people-they are fun, with a crown with the smile on her face. They suffer quietly, alone with themselves, with a cat and wine, and do not even suspect that it is in self-value that the main reason for their problems lies.
Content:
* Women who do not value themselves – what are they?
• Why can't you just be more confident?
* Tips to help you learn to value yourself?
For some reason it is customary to think that insecure women all look the same. The image of female self-doubt has a code name - "gray mouse".
You probably remember a couple of these here "mice": in the eyes of longing, sadness in the soul, the size of the Mariana trench, in the column" Marital status " – in active search. As a rule, they are dressed in all gray and inconspicuous.
But this is only one option from the variety of girls who do not believe in themselves. It so happens that a woman from all such a successful, bright. In her wardrobe – dresses 50 shades of red, yellow and green, but none of them are happy. The apartment seems even emptier in the evenings, and the bed is always heated on one side only. Inside this woman, somewhere very deep, sits the same self-loathing.
Why is this happening? Why do some women know their worth, not having anything “for the soul” - I'm now about the material, and others-devalue themselves and their achievements, stew in front of a man and are ready to literally arrange a “sale”, if only someone was there.
Why can't you appreciate yourself? The main reasons for low self-esteem
Let's look at your childhood. After all, as you know, a lot of the problems of adult life originate there. Remember how your parents talked to you. They at least once said: "Katyusha, you are so good that she learned to ride a big bike!» Hardly. Usually children of parents from the former Soviet Union hear more reproaches in their direction than praise: "Not a child, but a hurricane! Again, tore at his clothes! Put some iodine on your knees. Who's going to mend your pants?"Reproaches, humiliation and again reproaches. And so it was with most.
It's as if we were programmed that criticism educates and helps us to become better. This idea is ingrained and sometimes bears fruit in the form of guilt and self-doubt, which is transferred to your "adult" perception of reality. "How could it be otherwise?"you ask. Of course you could, but your parents didn't know that. Their parents didn't teach them that.
Steve jobs was constantly told in foster care, " You're unique," " You can do something great." You know what he did? Created Apple, became a millionaire and lived happily ever after.
Yes, our parents were different, that's why many of us came into life with a hidden attitude :" what do I appreciate myself for? I even brought fives from school every other time." You look at the girl with such installation and you feel as she "fonit" uncertainty, being thus independent and self-sufficient beauty. But this can and should be worked with.
By the way, in many ways, self-esteem also depends on the environment. If you are in an environment of understanding, friendly and kind people, then most likely you will feel easy and comfortable and will not return to the "encapsulated" blocks in you. Until you get into the circle of aggressors with whom you are forced to wage war. That's where your self-esteem can not stand and raise a white flag with the words:"I need to lay low." What do I mean?"
Imagine the situation, you live with a man. He seems to be good: kind, caring, not greedy, but. But his constant nagging at you slowly washes your self-esteem into an ocean of self-loathing: he grumbles that you under-salted or over-salted food, rolls his eyes when you walk around the house in a face mask, reproaches you for putting on a whole kilo!
And eventually you begin to believe that you're ugly, your soup is a weapon of mass destruction, and you're a bad hostess. After all you about this says the most a close man. You believe him because, how else?
And now, attention, the question: will you start to look at yourself differently if other men in your environment-5, 10, 15 people-say: "Katyusha, you are an amazing woman! And as you cook perfectly, one your pie with apples what is worth!"Do you wonder which of them is right? Your man or everyone else?
Don't dwell on the noise of someone else's negative opinion, it's just noise. Even if it comes from people close enough to you: a disgruntled mother, a demanding father or a picky husband.
Yaroslav, what should I do? How to " pump” your self-esteem?
Work on yourself. You know, you can tell by a woman who values herself. Back straight, step from the hip, in the eyes of calm and a special light. Do you think she does it all by herself? Not really. I want to upset you and please at the same time-self-belief is not included in the basic configuration of the person (except that this person was the parents of Steve jobs). It's a big job.
So, if you feel that self-esteem began to fall-urgently begin to pump and raise it. Start to pump yourself, go to the " way of Women." Buy a new dress, go to a beauty salon, sign up for a dance. Because love to itself can be nurture only through new events in your life, through the very life.
The only thing, please, is not to "get better" out of revenge on a man. It doesn't work. He dumped you? Forget it. So it wasn't your love movie. Be glad you left mid-session without spending another 5 years of your life. No need to spite the former "get better", buy all the dresses in the Central Department Store, pump up your lips and undergo training.
At least he won't appreciate it, at most he'll laugh at you. This behavior will only show your uncertainty and obsession with the former.
Change your environment. I do not urge you to quit now, file for divorce or remove from the phone numbers of all friends who have ever tried to criticize you. I'm talking about something else. Admit that the environment really does affect you. Whiners, "snake", toxic men or envious girlfriend-all these people slowly but surely drown your self-worth.
Remember how you feel after another heart-to-heart conversation, when you are told: "You must", "correct", "I will not love you if you do not become the way I want."
When you start working on yourself, such "friends" will simply disappear from the radar. Why? They will become uncomfortable, uncomfortable next to a confident and beautiful woman.
Try to forgive those who have undermined your faith in yourself. You can't go through life with confidence if you don't stop and shake the pebbles of resentment out of your shoes. Every word, every reproach will echo in you until you let them go.
* Forgive and release the man who always criticized your appearance and promised that sex in the store of your love will be delivered as soon as you lose weight.
• Forgive the friend who criticized you and was advised to sit on the priest exactly, not breaking off relations with a male whiner. She's just the same, insecure.
* Forgive your parents for every achievement that was perceived as"well, fine." For winning the Olympics, washing the dishes, and getting home by eight, which was taken for granted.
You know what's interesting? what we've dealt with today is just the tip of the iceberg of your insecurity. In fact, the factors that prevent you from working out your value-much more. In my time, I also stepped over a mountain of complexes to become the person you know me. And I'm not going to tell you that you can change yourself and fall in love in one day. That isn't possible.
No matter what you're told, you can't boost your self – esteem by standing in front of a mirror and saying, "I'm a Goddess," "I deserve better." Yes, for a few seconds you will believe it, and then you will return to the familiar yourself, which you have formed over the years, based on your life experience.
But. I will also be honest with you if I say that I have seen thousands of women who were able to say to their self-flagellation: "Enough", and began to live a happy life. Therefore, if you read this article to the end and made a correct and honest conclusions about yourself-you are on the right track!