What to do if your heart demands changes, but not from you, but from another person? How do you communicate your needs to him in such a way that he will take your comments into account, and not send you to hell? After all, few people like to listen to lectures.
This article will be relevant to those who are now in a long-term relationship or want to understand this topic and avoid mistakes in the future.
* How to talk to a man so he can hear you
* Secrets of mutual understanding between men and women
• What should not be done if you don't want to spoil relations
Evening of usual working day, you come home and you begin to prepare a dinner, trying to be in time for arrival of the man. And here he is: sullen and angry, says duty " Hello, my light” and begins to undress, simultaneously throwing things all over the apartment.
In hearts he throws socks under bed and you feel, that one starts boil together with soup, which carefully gurgling on oven.
Okay, if would this was in the first time, but after all so repeats itself always!
Just in case, putting the knife aside, you decide to take matters into their own hands and finish with socks under the bed. You go into a room and start to Express your pain in a raised voice: "well, is it so difficult to put your things in their places? I don't have to be your housekeeper running around picking up your socks!»
How does he react? Not only does your man not move in the direction of the ill-fated socks, he is silent for the whole evening. You dine in silence.
On next day the situation with things repeats itself, truth already without socks under the bed. But you don't stop, you keep nagging him. Another educational approach and another failure-the mood is spoiled, you do not want sex, you go to the corners.
What happens then? After a month or two of comments and lectures, you somehow go to his tablet to see the weather and suddenly find out the further forecast of your relationship. According to the forecast-thunderstorms, tantrums and torn hair of a certain Sveta, who sends him her photos and smiles with kisses.
Why so? Did the blame "smelly" socks? No, honey, it's not them. Deal in you, in your tone and in spin information, that you tried to communicate to his men on good your joint, a comfortable life.
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TOP 5 rules that will help you change it. Secrets of mutual understanding men and women
Let him decide. If you say to a man, "you're a fool," he won't want to move mountains. He won't make a million and throw it all at your feet. Try to convince the man that he's in charge. A lot depends on him in your relationship, show that you trust him. Trust me, devaluation won't do any good.
Practice noticing the good. Do you think men often say "thank you"? If you don't believe me, ask your friends. I'm sure they'll say that praise for a man is rather rare. 90% of women pay attention to any jambs and only 10% can praise the man.
Picking up a girl in a car? Well, OK. Brought a beautiful bouquet? Put it in the vase in the hallway. You'd be a good girl if you started noticing things like that and complimenting a man when he really tried.
Show him he's free to make his own decisions. Who wants to date a commander in a skirt? Who likes to March in formation? Nobody. You wouldn't like it either, so don't act like that with a man if you want a normal relationship. Respect his personality and his opinion.
Tell him you love him. You smell vanilla? So maybe the buns are browned in your oven? Because I'm serious right now. There is nothing wrong with such confessions.
Simple words "I love you" give so much strength and energy. They have everything you need – trust, care, acceptance. Don't forget that. And even if you say after that about the socks that so prevent you from living your presence under the bed, it will sound completely different.
Don't worry.
In the end, I want to tell you the most important thing: all this magic does not work if your man does not want to change. If he doesn't care that some things drive you crazy. He must want to change himself. Then everything will definitely work out.
But remember, there are things that you can't cure: from indifference, alcoholism, chronic mistresses, of danicamania and other ills. So, before you get down to business and start changing it, answer the most philosophical question on Earth: "do I need it?»
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What exactly not to do, in an attempt to change it
Play the game "Guess". Don't make the relationship a game of "What? Where? When?"You have a mouth. And it's not just for them to eat. Talk to him, explain what exactly you do not like and what you would like to change. But not in the style of a kindergarten teacher or a formidable teacher, but as a loving and understanding woman.
Only, for God's sake, don't be silent, downcast to the floor, and his sad eyes... There are 1000 options that you could take offense, and the man does not have to guess what it is. You're adults, so you can talk.
Criticize. I understand that absolutely no criticism in any way. We were raised in childhood: "there's Victor 5 wrote the pilot, not you, losers", "Could do better", but why repeat the mistakes of our parents, especially, your man is not your child. You don't have to try to educate him.
Yes, criticism can work from time to time. You read it, he listened to you and reformed. Oh, it works! Only at this point the Foundation of your relationship slowly falls apart: you cease to be a woman and become a mother. And believe me, nothing will come of it.
Therefore, my dear, whatever happens, do not forget that next to you is a person; next to you is your Man, who is ready to change only if he sees how his transformations make you even happier and more joyful. Be open with him and don't be afraid to talk about your desires. To speak, not order him urgently change, reproaching and poking its nose in his mistakes.