Сегодня у нас для вас подборочка из 5 анекдотов на английском. Пишите в комментариях, сколько вы смогли понять
1️⃣ A panda bear walks into a restaurant. He orders the special and eats it.
After eating, he pulls out a pistol, kills the waiter and starts to walk out the door.
The owner of the restaurant says, "Hey, what are you doing? You come in here, you kill my waiter and walk away without saying a word. I don't understand."
The panda says, "Look it up in the dictionary," and walks out of the door.
So the owner gets out a dictionary and looks under the heading 'Panda'. It reads:
'Panda black and white animal; lives in central China; eats shoots and leaves.'
2️⃣ A guy is in line at the local Wal-Mart when he notices that a rather hot blond behind him has just smiled "Hello" to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him... and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from... so he says ..."Sorry....do you know me?"
She replies... "I may be mistaken... but I thought you might be the father... of one of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful. "Holy crap".... he says, "are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table in front of all my friends.... while your girlfriend whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my behind?"
"No".... she replies..... "I'm your son's teacher."
3️⃣ HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
4️⃣ A doctor, an engineer, and a politician were arguing as to which profession was older. "Well," argued the doctor, "without a physician mankind could not have survived, so I am sure that mine is the oldest profession." "No," said the engineer, "before life began there was complete chaos, and it took an engineer to create some semblance of order from this chaos. So engineering is older." "But," chirped the triumphant politician, "who created the chaos?"
5️⃣ It was about a month ago when a Dutchman in Amsterdam felt that he needed to confess, so he went to his Priest. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. During WWll, I hid a Jewish man in my attic." "Well," answered the Priest, "That's no a sin." "But I made him pay me 20 gulden for each week he stayed." "I admit that wasn't good, but you did it for a good cause." "Oh thank you Father; that eases my mind. Father, I have one more question." "What is it son." "Do I have to tell him the war is over?"
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Британский и американский юмор несколько отличаются от русского. Если вы хотите проверить, как хорошо вы понимаете шутки, вот хороший сервис с анекдотами на английском: https://www.native-english.ru/jokes
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