And what will you do after love? In the best case the total real estate, business, obligations, and can fear solitude? And if you knew that the relationship would end like this, what would you do in the beginning?
This question arises before us due to forced circumstances, when we understand that there is a crisis in relations. There's nothing left to really connect. "We have nothing in common, we have nothing in common except common life!"- a familiar situation? Or- " When the child was born, he began to come home late." And he at all wanted to child, can marriage for him-this, above all regular and secure sex?
If we asked ourselves questions at the beginning of the relationship: what connects us with this person, what we expect from the relationship, for what purpose we marry, what results we want to get. And would try to find out what expectations and desires our partner associates with marriage, then over time would be able to avoid many disappointments. Why find out such mundane things, you say, if we have a passionate love, we can not live a day without each other, what else is needed?! When the hot water of love and emotion subsides, what will be under it?
And meanwhile, many people run away in relations from control and arbitrariness of parents, from the fears and complexes, from public opinion. And they won't admit to themselves why they're doing it. Fly, as butterflies on the fire. Then, when it's done, rolled up his sleeves, taken for remaking husband/wife. Break yourself trying to build up irritation, hate, give each other endless claims, charges, demands. What about that love, where did it go?
I urge you to take off your rose-colored glasses and try to assess the reality reasonably! Mendelssohn's March is not a magic wand that turns a monster into a Prince. Remember: temperament and character database cannot be changed. The mistake of most women in the desire to certainly improve, lead to the ideal of the received man, they are ready to spend years of their precious life on it. And this instead of from the very beginning to look for the right one. Imagine if we were taught at school, and it is better in the family on what criteria to choose a person for life, and even better, how to determine, formulate for themselves these same criteria? What knowledge for yourself would you learn from these lessons? What questions would be answered? What would they have done differently?
How to determine for yourself what partner (partner) is the best for you, what you need for happiness?
Psychologists have noticed that both men and women tend to have a rather lengthy and vague ideas on this topic. They hold to the illusion that they know exactly what they need. Here is a sample generic list of frequently-called characteristics: want to... that he (she) loved me(a) understand (a) respect(a) valued(a), cared(Las), etc. But let these words as placeholders for photos. Almost everyone without exception finds it difficult to describe the content of these beautiful verbs.
To fill in the blank templates, think about how you would like to live with your loved one, presenting in detail the different situations of life. And the more specific and mundane approach to the issue, the more chances of success. How would you like to spend your free time, celebrate holidays, what would you do in the evenings? How would you raise children, and would you like to have them at all? What traditions and principles of the parent family would like to bring to the, and that would build absolutely in a new way.
For example, we are looking for a suitable shoes to dress. We know what color and style they should be. Will they be comfortable, or beautiful enough. We determine the price we are willing to pay. Do not count cynicism – in choosing a partner, too, everything matters.
To begin with, determine the range of your own interests in the present and future (here we are talking about potential interests, i.e. not yet done, but would like to try in principle). What is important and valuable for you, without which you can not imagine your life. This includes the density and amount of desired communication, your comfortable perception of life (putting things in order every day in turn, and maybe enough once a week), an acceptable level of personal freedom (I want and will meet with my friends every Thursday), ways of earning and spending money, etc. And they are ready to close your eyes (puts socks under the bed, and let), which agreement ready to go (Breakfast in the morning can cook only on weekends), and that do not accept ever (if you lay your hands on me – will never see).
Or do you think that for the sake of a loved one or beloved are ready for any sacrifice and transformation? If you made the decision that you wouldn't torture and punish yourself by doing uncomfortable things, would that list remain the same? After all, at the beginning of the relationship we dissolve in the partner, it seems to us that we are one with him. We are in complete fusion. What it ends well can be seen in the example of the heroine Julia Roberts in the movie "Runaway bride". Every time she entered into a new relationship, she believed that she liked the same things as her lover. She'd become the perfect woman for him, and then, as everyone knew, she'd run away. If she thought more about herself, about what she liked, what would be the plot of the film? After all, it is impossible to meet other people's expectations continuously all your life. Quickly run out of resources.
Contrary to popular belief that opposites attract, we are looking for people like ourselves. And even ready to deceive themselves, noting the imaginary similarity. It is quite clear that there is no exact copy of us of the opposite sex. But it is important that the idea of life, views on the family, life, recreation, entertainment, parenting, in General, coincide. And in addition to the beautiful feelings, love and passion would bind more and common interests. In this case, the relationship carries a living potential and the possibility of long-term development, rather than exhausting confrontation and struggle. Then the relationship will not have to step on the throat of his song, it will be easier to compromise, to negotiate. When partners are interested together and outside the walls of their apartment, they enjoy spending time with each other – the relationship has not only the present, but also the future. As if your life would be like this?