People make a lot of mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes: experienced people make mistakes, beginners make mistakes, geniuses and fools make mistakes. It is rarely possible to say something with complete certainty, but in this case we can say that there was not yet a person on earth who was not mistaken.
Sometimes I have to be a witness, and sometimes, to my shame, a participant in conflicts, the cause of which is to find out who is to blame. And you know what I realized? That I've never seen anyone voluntarily take the blame. I will not say that this does not happen, but it is really rare. Usually people compete in the art of blaming someone else.
You can expect that the truth will prevail, but in fact it is rare. Often rights is the one who skillfully dodged. It is possible, of course, to argue long who is right who is guilty, but, in fact, only who will answer for everything matters.
Relativity of guilt
But let's look at such conflicts from above. Just let's agree that we take into account only domestic situations that in no way relate to crime, and then we get to the controversial field of morality.
Does it ever happen that the fault lies with one person? Hardly. First, it's not easy to figure out whose actions caused the damage. For example, let's take the case when someone misunderstood another, because of what losses were incurred. In such a situation, there may be two culprits: the one who did not hear and the one who is unclear or incorrectly expressed. Objectively find out the culprit is extremely difficult, given that most likely the mistake was made by both. You can be sure of one thing-everyone will belittle their responsibility.
So who is to blame?
Unfortunately, it is not profitable for anyone to establish this fact, because the guilty party, as a rule, bears costs, reputational or material, and therefore will seek to avoid a verdict. The other side will not agree to share the responsibility, because then it will be forced to share the costs. So they will try to shift the responsibility to the maximum.
Usually, if the costs are borne by a third party, then these two easily agree that no one is to blame, but just life is like that.
Is there a way out?
The ideal solution is a situation where both parties to the conflict are willing to accept responsibility and, at the same time, forgive the mistakes of the other. However, this situation is very rare and occurs only among people who know each other very well. For example, it can be observed in families, and then quite rarely.
Among the not so close people, this strategy is rarely used, because it is too likely to run into a person who is happy to dump on you all the blame, if you are ready to accept it.
This problem has one solution, but unfortunately, this solution is hardly applicable at the household level. The solution is to fix what is done, said and promised in writing,that is, contractual relations. And this is not the competence of psychology and law.
We should not try so hard to defend their case, we should just accept the fact that people make mistakes, and the costs of this are inevitable. The best strategy, ironically — is to " Understand and forgive." And don't expect the others to do the same.
In order to realize some of their dreams, you need to make a plan. Unfortunately, many people remain at this stage. They plan, and plan, and plan... while their lives go by. While they are planning, other people have time to implement many projects, and our heroes are still planning.
This mental trap I call the illusion of movement. Imagine an athlete who is going to perform some trick, such as a pole vault. Normally, the athlete mentally scrolls through the plan of how he will run, how he will jump, but it takes him a minute of time, and then he takes and does. Now imagine an athlete who spends hours replaying a performance plan in his head, letting other athletes go ahead until the championship passes. People do that all the time.
It's a complex mental trap. It is based on the fear of failure. The main cause of fear is the unknown. To reduce fear, a person tries to plan everything thoroughly. It seems to him that if everything is well planned, it will not be so terrible. But the problem is that theoretical knowledge itself is limited, it cannot give new experience (i.e. knowledge), it can only order this knowledge. Thus, it is impossible to get rid of the main cause of fear — the unknown-within the framework of planning. So a person gets into a vicious circle.
This vicious circle is as follows: a person is afraid to start something → scared because he does not have enough information → he tries to get information by planning → planning does not give information → planning → no information → planning →no information → …
Obviously, this state of Affairs is due to the use of improper means. Sometimes the only way to know what's what is to spit on fear and immerse yourself in practice.
Let's say you decide to start a business. What do you think will give you more information on the issue: three years of planning or three years of practice? Or another example. If a young man wants to learn to meet girls, what will give him more, real attempts to get acquainted or pickup courses? Of course, practice will bring more.
I do not belittle the importance of theoretical knowledge, but only specially trained people know how to use it. In life, most areas do not have any qualitative theoretical study.
How to avoid the "illusion of movement"?
In order to avoid the "illusion of movement", you need to put some restrictions on planning. It's like diving into a cold river. You can walk around the river for a long time, try the water with your finger, decide, plan, imagine how you will swim, but the only way to go into the water is to jump into it. Immerse yourself in practice.
I propose the following. If you need to do something simple, like come to meet, then spend no more than a minute planning. All the same, such planning is useless.
If you are planning something more complex, such as starting a business, the planning should not be more than a year. In a year, you can design a cosmodrome (I conditionally say). If you are planning something for more than a year, then most likely you are engaged in self-deception and nonsense. At this rate, you won't discover anything.
Our lives are too short to waste on futile dreams. Think about the fact that a person is given not so much time to realize themselves. In fact, this is the period from 20 to 40 years. How much of this time are you willing to spend on empty dreams?