Self-pity is one of the most common mental traps people fall into. In this article, we'll talk about why it's counterproductive, why feeling sorry for yourself is incorrect, and how people learn to feel sorry for themselves.
You've probably heard these conversations " I worked best, and I was thrown out of work. What injustice!", "Why one all, and other-nothing!” “All decide and I'm so smart and beautiful, is doomed to vegetate, because I have no connections!” etc. the Number goes on and on, but I'm sure you already get the gist: all this talk is whining.
When an adult whines, it is immediately clear that he did not get out of children's pants. It's time to understand that in this world no one owes anyone anything. Life is pretty chaotic, and it's only natural that we don't always get lucky.
The counterproductivity of self-pity
Just today I talked with a young girl who assured me that in Moscow you can achieve something only in two ways: theft or connections.
This, of course, is not the case. In such a big city as Moscow, full of opportunities to earn a lot of money, not having to start with nothing but desire and courage.
As for connections, it is not clear why the connection can not get an ordinary person. It's as much a gain as knowledge.
The person who complains of lack of connections, simply didn't attend to their acquisition.
This is a typical example of complaints about the injustice of the world. All right, let's say the world is unfair, but what's the use of complaining? How can they improve the situation in which a person is? Of course not.
The incorrectness of self-pity
“I tried so hard, so hard, and it didn't work out my way”-that's how you can decipher the typical whining man.
There is a question: and from what the person took that he tried in the correct party? Why does he think everything should be "his"?
When we do not succeed, it means that we have done something wrong, or have not done everything, or have taken up an unsolvable task at all.
Instead of doing work on mistakes, as we were taught in school, to analyze the situation, people prefer to complain about their fate.
There are a huge number of the smartest people (in their field) who do not see the simplest cause-and-effect relationships in everyday life. To do this, you need to have a certain set of skills.
Many people believe that everything should be in their favor. Used that tinkering with them, as with small.
They pay taxes for them, they repair the house in which they live, give money for holidays. Of course, this is great, but as soon as a person is taken away from some good, he immediately begins to believe that he was deprived.
It reminds me of an incident that happened to me. When I was at University, I always gave a beggar some change on the way. This went on for several months.
And then I had a tough financial time, and I stopped throwing this little thing. What do you think happened? The first time he glared at me, and the second called me bad words.
And I understand him, because I deprived him of a small part of the income, and this is not forgiven. The good done is instantly forgotten and replaced by whining and discontent with the world as soon as the good becomes less.
How do people learn to feel sorry for themselves?
It happens in childhood. When we are not satisfied with something, we run to my mother to complain.
And mommy's sorry and trying to fix it. In early childhood, this is justified, but many parents do not know that gradually you need to change the line of behavior and encourage the child to solve their own problems.
As a result, whining becomes the main way to solve the problem.
Here also grow up people who externally, it seems, adults, and want to solve problems as children, that is to cry to someone in a vest. Over time, they realize that the rest of the people, in General, do not want to listen to someone else's whining, and then they continue to complain to themselves.
After all, so do not want to part with such an effective way of solving problems in the past. “Nobody cares... no One loves... It is unfair... Who would I decided?”.
Unfortunately, many people can not understand that it does not help them in any way.
To live well, you need to do more and grieve less.