Unsolicited advice, how often do you give it? Quite often people believe that their ideas about the world are the only true ones. And so you can shamelessly interfere in someone else's life, in someone else's plans, giving unsolicited advice and unsolicited help. And then we can only wonder why the person to whom we wished good, sent us or did not achieve anything, following our advice.
Let's understand in detail why this happens. First of all, of course, there are situations when such advice and help help, but only in the case when a person is already internally ripe to ask you about them. Or planned something similar.
Today we will consider another case. When it turns negative effect.
Imagine a hypothetical girl who dreams of becoming a ballerina. Her mother, from height of the lived years, considers that it not perspective profession and speaks “ " Well, what you the child? Is it possible to earn a living working as a ballerina? Look how many great professions, a lawyer, for example.”
Maybe mom's advice is good. However, she was not asked. Which means mom probably won't get exactly what she wanted. She thought that the girl will immediately realize everything and will begin to prepare with all diligence for admission to law school. In fact, she cut off the root of the girl's motivation to become a ballerina and offered the girl an activity where she has no motivation at all.
What do we get on the way out? We lose the chance to get a ballerina and almost guaranteed to get a mediocre lawyer (if our girl learns). To explain why this happens, let's look at how people come to success.
A little about the mechanics of success
The fact is that success is quite a difficult thing. It consists of several components: intrinsic motivation,luck and favorable conditions. When all three components are present, success is almost inevitable. Consider each component.
Intrinsic motivation. Motivation is a passionate desire to possess something. Possess thing, profession, certain attitude people, position in society and so on. In order for a person to be motivated, the end result must somehow lead to the satisfaction of the person's needs. There must be a connection (at least an imaginary one) between what is desired and what it gives to a person.
Intrinsic motivation is an absolutely necessary condition for achieving any result. Motivation may compensate for the lack of favorable conditions or lack of luck, but the most favorable conditions and great luck itself will not replace motivation.
Luck. Luck is the second most important component of success. Luck means that a person falls good options for events. However, if a person is not motivated, he will not notice these chances. After all, he is not interested and his focus is shifted to the other side.
On the other hand, luck is able to replace the insufficiently favorable starting conditions.
An enabling environment is a starting amount of resources that can help achieve success. The starting conditions include: talent, connections and money of relatives, economic situation and other resources. However, no resources will help a person if he does not want something.
The harm of unsolicited advice
Now it is clear that his advice we can just confuse people. To convince that what one longs for is not worth the effort. From the best motives to ruin the main component of success-desire.
The question arises whether such an adviser has enough psychological knowledge to form another desire, to build a new complex system of motivation? Does he know how the man for whom they want to decide everything works? I doubt it. Most likely, the "adviser" is based on his own motivational scheme, and therefore climbs where he does not understand anything.
Let's go back to the example of our girl. Assume that mom is the primary measure of success is monetary reward. For the girl it can be absolutely not important, for her the main thing is to be beautiful and elegant and have a lot of fans. Means that tips moms just doomed to hit the target.
In the best case, the mother will be sent by the daughter. At worst, the daughter will listen to her mother and choose the path in life where she does not want to go. Maybe it will end up being a girl then will think that her life broke. What kind of parent wants that?
Damage unsolicited assistance
Actually, advice is a form of help. Unsolicited help is the same advice, but not by words, but by action. In the example of a girl-it may be assistance in entering the faculty of law. Thus, she is deprived of freedom of choice. But this is only one of the negative points, another one I described in the article " To reach the limit."
Unsolicited advice and unsolicited help-will not bring to good. Perhaps it is worth giving people the opportunity to find their own way?