EXPERIENCING GRIEF FOR THOSE BEREAVED
With the help of the Vera hospice Foundation
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it is Difficult to accept the loss of someone you loved deeply and dearly. It seems that the anguish, feelings of despair and depression are insurmountable. Every person who has lost a loved one goes through a period of grief and grief. This text is about how to survive grief and pain and learn to live after the loss.
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When death separates from loved ones, one begins to think that no one has suffered as he suffers. However, unhappiness does not know exceptions. But the way we deal with grief is truly unique and personal. Grief is a painful experience, but it is important to know and believe that the pain will subside. It takes different people different times to heal emotional wounds. A grieving person cannot always control his feelings. How do experiences usually proceed?
Shock and denial are the first reactions to loss. Disbelief in the reality of the situation and a sort of emotional numbness accompany the person during this period. "This couldn't really happen!"most often says it in this condition.
Anger at yourself and others for not being able to prevent the loss is another stage of the experience. It is a defense against unbearable pain and awareness of the inevitability of what happened. "Why did this happen to me?"- the question arises. Sometimes anger can be directed at the one who died ("on whom did you leave us?"). When it is impossible to vent anger on the deceased, other "victims"are sought. In grief, people tend to be critical of others who live as if nothing had happened.
Guilt for what is done or not done to prevent loss is a frequent companion of grief. An endless chorus of" Oh, if only... " sounds in the soul of man. Sometimes these reproaches are addressed to someone else: "If the ambulance had come faster...";" If I had been there, I would have helped... " ... Sometimes the state of guilt is caused by the feeling of relief experienced after the death of a person suffering from a long illness. In such cases sometimes say: "Ah, finally otmuchilsya." And then the feeling of guilt for such words and such thoughts stirs the soul.
Depression, a sense of physical and mental desolation, inability and unwillingness to perform even the usual and necessary things-also a frequent manifestation of grief. Grief paralyzes all the ordinary feelings of living people. "It's like everything went numb," the man describes his condition. To those who have experienced personal tragedy, everything seems to have changed: the food has lost its taste, the world has become hostile, and nothing is satisfying. Tears come suddenly, sometimes without provocation. Depression is like a gloomy day, when the clouds so obscure the sun that it seems as if it is no longer shining.
Loneliness and fear of suddenly fallen on the shoulders of responsibility and possible changes in life — frequent companions of this difficult period. A person is afraid of the problems waiting for him ahead, and the need to build new relationships.
Hope comes when one accepts one's loss. Memories bring less pain, and there is an opportunity to focus on the future, full of hope. One woman was helped through the loss of her mother by the following words: "do not resist sorrow. Patiently go all the sad way-step by step, not trying to Dodge to the side. Drink the bitter Cup to the bottom. Every day we feel a burning pain, because we are surrounded by what is left of our loved ones-the clothes they wore; the letters they wrote; the books they read; the chairs they sat on; the music they loved; the streets they walked. Sad and sad, painful — but what would we be without these memories? Maybe it's better to quickly break with the past, so that this pain subsides? Nay, true loving hearts will say that even in sorrow they find a new joy — a joy known only to sufferers.
" GRIEF WORK IS A GRADUAL PROCESS BY WHICH THE SUFFERING PERSON SEEKS TO ACHIEVE SPIRITUAL HEALING. THIS REQUIRES A LOT OF EFFORT-MENTAL, PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL."
It is impossible to offer some patented recipes or three simple rules for overcoming personal grief. However, a person can help himself through grief if he pays due attention to his emotional and physical needs. To maintain emotional health, it is necessary to encourage outward manifestations of grief. We are endowed with tear glands for a reason, so there is no need to be embarrassed when they act. It is very bad that courage and tears are considered in our society as two opposites. Men should not see their tears as a sign of weakness. If someone is embarrassed to cry in public, there is nothing to prevent cry alone.